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   %REFLEXIVE SELF ESTEEM DEVELOPMENT IDEALS VALUES+970324
  %CHILD ADULT PARENT AFFECTION AFFIRMATION RESPECT+970324
  %CONDEMNATION REJECTION JUDGEMENT EXCOMMUNICATION 970324

     The  development of healthy self esteem entails  many
reflexive  feed-back loops which cannot be  controlled  by
any one person or group of people.

     The  infant,  child or adolescent who does  not  live
within a truly secure  context  of  mutual acceptance with
affection  expressed  openly and honestly---grows up at  a
severe  disadvantage  in regards to developing  a  healthy
self  esteem.     Lectures  and  reading  of  texts  alone
cannot  fully compensate for such an early  lack.     Thus
wars, terrorism, fanaticism,  domestic abuse,  addictions,
judgementalism,  condemnations,    and  their like inflict
wounds   unto   the seventh  generation of victims.     It
makes no sense to try to justify such behaviors as  worthy
of respect.

     Self  esteem  in part depends upon how  successful  a
person is in living with integrity in terms of articulated
ideals,    values,  principles --- and in terms of admired
role   models.      If  internalized   ideals,     values,
principles and  role models lack integrity, it is close to
impossible  to  live  with  integrity in terms  of   them.
Conflicts  between   and  among  them  are  bound  to   be
expressed  in   ways which  undermine  self esteem in  the
eyes of self  and  of others.

     If  we chose as friends people who do not respect our
internal  ideals,   values,   principles and admired  role
models  ---   we   have   thereby set  ourselves  up   for
conflicts between  our  internalized  sense of  well-being
---    and   the guidance we are likely to  get  from  our
chosen friends.  It is then exceedingly difficult to  live
with  integrity and healthy self esteem.

     If  we  or  our  friends try  to  live  in  terms  of
escalating  perfectionistic  principles ---  it  is  never
possible  to  live  up  to  the  moving  target  of   such
shifting  principles.      The  ideal  is to   always   be
raising   the standard  in  terms of which we  and  others
pass   judgement  upon  us and our sense  of  self-esteem.
That is a formula for self destruction!

     If we and/or our friends try to live to please others
who   are  trying to do the same ---  there are no  stable
land-marks   to   serve  as  our  basis   for   navigation
through  troubled  waters.     Appearances come to  be  of
ultimate  importance,  and honesty is not expected.     We
cannot  know whom to trust, and have no landmarks to serve
as navigation beacons.

     We  cannot refine our basis for self esteem in  terms
of  objective scientific  principles  or  procedures---for
what  we need are essentially  reflexive  realities  which
transcend objective considerations.

     We will do well to consider the totality of the lives
of those who articulate and role-model what we consider as
the  possible   bases  for  healthy  self  esteem.      If
they  themselves  demonstrate  any  lack  of  integrity---
beware!

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
  www.essayz.com       Search for Integrity and Honesty        
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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