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           %GUIDELINES TO INTIMACY WITHOUT VIOLENCE 831110

     In  the light of love-hate relationships consider the
wisdom of the following sort of thought pattern:  Violence
is evil and violence should be avoided because evil should
be  avoided.    Situations  which might lead  to  violence
should therefore be avoided.

     Intimate  situations involve great risk that violence
will occur because vulnerability is essential to intimacy.
To  avoid  violence,  intimate situations and those  which
might lead to intimacy must be avoided.   Since it is evil
to  promote  violence,  it is evil to  promote  situations
which might  lead  to violence; so  it is  evil to promote
situations which might lead to intimacy.   It is therefore
evil  to  be involved in intimate situations,  and  to  be
associated  with people who are intimate with each  other.
We must never watch people who are being intimate,  and so
must never have role models of how to be intimate.

     This way of thinking is all mixed up,  and is  itself
evil  behavior  in the sense that  it  inhibits  openness,
honesty,  dialogue, and love.   We need wise guidelines to
promote  intimacy,   with  integrity for  all,   and  with
violence for none.   We need to help each other in  taking
the risk of being intimate without violating each  other's
integrity.    This  will  entail  demonstrations  of   the
possibilities  of  intimacy  with full integrity  for  the
participants  and observers.   Only in such ways will role
models  for wise intimate behavior emerge,  and play  wise
leadership roles.

     All this may come to be only if we clarify the nature
of  evil and of love,  making clear that the promotion  of
intimacy with integrity for all is the work of love,   and
that behavior which inhibits the work of love is evil.  It
is  not people who are inherently evil;  nor certain  acts
which are evil.   It is behavior within contexts where the
behavior  inhibits intimacy-that-has-integrity,  which  is
(within those contexts) behavior which is evil, in that it
inhibits the work of Love.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
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