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%VIOLENT DISAPPOINTMENTS 791220
Disappointments which are occasioned by violence are
commonly recognized. Less often do people recognize the
ways in which disappointments may be violent.
Disappointments are due to unfulfilled expectations, and
expectations may be violent in that they are coercive of
others and violate the integrity of others. The
disappointment associated with coercive expectations have
some elements in common with punishment --- in that there
is the generation of guilt directed toward the perceived
cause of the disappointment. Rarely is it recognized that
the generation of coercive expectations --- sets the stage
for the disappointment. Thus the responsibilities of the
disappointed person are not recognized, and the imposed
responsibilities of the violated person are highlighted.
The expectations appear reasonable, and the failure to
satisfy them appear unreasonable and uncharitable. Guilt
is directed toward the one who failed to fulfill the
coercive expectations.
Social conventions, taboos, collusions, and the like
create many coercive expectations. Conventional people
anticipate that all proper people will fulfill such
"reasonable" expectations about social and private
behavior. Conventional patterns of personal relationships
are rather well defined, and individuals who do not
fulfill the expectations based upon those patterns ---
violently disappoint conventional people. The
conventional people feel that they have been treated
violently, and lash out as if they have been attacked;
even though in fact they have only heard a juicy piece of
gossip and took secret pleasure in hearing it. Their
guilt due to their pleasure is then projected upon the
victim of the gossip --- who disappointed their
conventional expectations. The victim of the gossip is
chosen as a scape goat.
In more subtle ways violent disappointments may play
roles in very close friendships within which patterns
become coercive in unseen ways. The pleasures of
anticipation come with the hazards of getting trapped in
conventional patterns. It is not easy to avoid getting
trapped --- without losing too many pleasures.
(c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in
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