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%DESIRE FOR UNION US OBJECTIVITY SEX TOUCH PERSON+790808
%DIALOGUE INTIMATE EXCLUSIVE+790808
%RELATIONSHIPS PEOPLE BALANCE 790808
The desires for union and for objectivity are in
tension with each other. A person can not be objective
about that with which the person is united. To be
objective requires separation, distance, detachment, non-
involvement. The object of our objectivity must be an
object as we approach it, not a person with whom we seek
union, oneness, intimacy, togetherness, mutual inter-
dependency. Thus desire for union tends to undermine
desire for objectivity, and vice versa.
The desire for union includes the desire to be in
dialogue, to share with another person. Dialogue involves
listening personally as well as talking. Dialogue is a
process which does away with the conditions for
objectivity. People who are in personal dialogue can not
be fully objective about each other. We can not
intimately listen to another person as a person and at the
same time be fully objective about the other person. An
objective "backgrounding" about another person is not the
preparation which is appropriate to seeking to be in open
personal dialogue with the other person. The desire for
objectivity and the desire for dialogue are in tension
with each other. We can not affirm both in any exclusive
way. To be human is to affirm both in non-exclusive ways.
It is inhumane to affirm objectivity to the exclusion of
dialogue. It is impractical to affirm dialogue to the
exclusion of objectivity.
The desire for union includes the desire to be in
touch, to physically contact the other. This desire is not
logical, it is, or maybe it is repressed. The desire for
union and being in touch extends to the desire for sexual
relationships. We can not be meaningfully objective about
a person with whom we are sexually related. Such intimate
relationships tend to undermine the conditions which are
favorable for high levels of objectivity. Thus people who
are preoccupied with objectivity tend not to become united
in healthy sexual relationships, and people who are
preoccupied with sexual relationships tend not to excel in
objectivity. It is often difficult to achieve and enjoy a
balance between objectivity and union.
(c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in
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