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%MUTUALITY VS RECIPROCITY 790213
In personal relationships mutuality and reciprocity
are not the same. Jack may be in the habit of putting
down Jill, and Jill may be in the habit of putting down
Jack. That is a reciprocal relationship, not a mutual
relationship. In such a reciprocal relationship Jack and
Jill treat each other in the same way, without respect for
their individual differences and the differences in the
contexts within which their meanings originate. Jill
knows Jack as another person. Jack does not know Jack as
another person. Jill's context is different than Jack's
context. Reciprocal relationships do not necessarily
respect such differences in context.
If Jack and Jill each approach the other and do the
same thing toward the other---each is likely to respond
to the act differently, for they are different people.
Suppose each does "A" on some occasion. They can not both
do "A" within the identical context. Suppose Jack does
"A" first: Jack[A]. Suppose Jill's response is "B":
Jack[A] - Jill[B]. Suppose that then Jack does "C":
Jack[A] - Jill[B] - Jack[C]. Suppose on another occasion,
later, Jill does "A". Because Jack is not Jill and
because the context is different Jack is not likely to
respond just as Jill did. Suppose Jack does "B".
Similarly suppose Jill responds "C". Then the sequence is
Jill[A] - Jack[B] - Jill[C]. Such a reciprocal sequence
would not respect differences in Jack and Jill, or in
their different contexts.
Mutual relationships show respect for individual
differences and unique contexts. Mutual relationships are
not governed by formal rules which specify roles. Mutual
relationships are characterized by mutual awareness of and
responsiveness to each other with respect for both
participants and their unique desires, perceptions,
intuitions, sensations, feelings, etc. Mutual
relationships are not governed by formal realities which
are external to the relationships; e.g., a rule that they
be symmetric in a reciprocal way, no matter how golden the
rule may be. Mutuality goes far beyond reciprocity, as
love goes beyond law.
(c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in
www.essayz.com Search for Integrity and Honesty
(On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)
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