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%YOUR FRIEND'S PERSPECTIVES 780705
Your friend's perspectives are not necessarily like
your own. What may seem obvious and beyond question to
you, may seem very strange and hard to believe to your
friend---and vice versa. Love will not automatically
guide you, or your friend, to gain insights into what are
the other's perspectives, desires, attitudes, emotions,
fears, hopes, expectations, etc. Some of us have not
enjoyed having helpful role models who might guide us to
insights into our friends' contrasting perspectives. We
may not even try in any meaningful way to seek insights
into our friends' perspectives, thoughtlessly assuming
that their perspectives are like our own. If our
assumptions are incorrect, they can lead to a great deal
of misunderstanding, frustration, disappointment, and
pain.
Gaining insight into your friends' perspectives can
be very demanding, time consuming, and costly; and also
very rewarding. Each time some misunderstanding arises,
you may have an opportunity to discover a previously
hidden difference in some fundamental unexamined
assumption. Serious misunderstandings are likely to arise
from very basic differences in perspectives. If you
maintain dialogue in spite of serious misunderstandings,
you may be able to come to a mutual awareness and a mutual
understanding of some of the basic differences between
you.
When differences come to the surface, there may be a
compulsive desire to decide which perspective is "right".
Maybe such a decision is not necessary. It may be
possible to affirm both perspectives (within appropriate
contexts) without doing violence to anybody's integrity.
To fail to affirm both perspectives appropriately may do
violence to the integrity of one or the other. In other
instances one perspective or the other may inevitable
occasion violence to someone. Such an effect of a
perspective should be recognized, appropriate steps be
taken to minimize the violence and assure that the costs
of such minimal violence is distributed equitably---
through decisions which are arrived at in an equitable
way.
Your friends' perspectives are not likely to be
revealed to you if you approach them with the intent to
discover (in an objective way) whether or not the
perspectives are "right". Objective approaches are rarely
friendly ones, and unfriendly approaches tend to block
communication.
(c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in
www.essayz.com Search for Integrity and Honesty
(On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)
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