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                              %RESPECT FOR FEELINGS 771215

     Respect for feelings is complimentary to respect  for
opinions,   beliefs,  perspectives,  and the like.    When
people  do  not  respect each other's  feelings  and  each
other's right to make their feelings known, alienation and
misunder-standings   are  the   inevitable   consequences.
Feelings  of  security when mutually vulnerable  form  the
basis   for  meaningful  dialogue,   and  so  for   mutual
understanding and cooperation.  Insensitivity to and  lack
of responsiveness to feelings thus undermine the basis for
meaningful   dialogue   which  is  essential   to   mutual
understanding and cooperation.

     Feelings are usually communicated in non-verbal ways.
Verbal  communication is not the best way of making  one's
feelings  known  to another.   People who are  exclusively
verbally oriented are thus likely to be insensitive to and
unresponsive to other people's feelings.   They  undermine
the possibility of affective dialogue by being affectively
insensitive---and so undermine the possibility of feelings
of  security  within  mutually  vulnerable  relationships.
Exclusively  verbal  people  promote the  use  of  defense
mechanisms of mutual manipulation.

     Words  can  be  used  in  some  ways  to  communicate
feelings  and  their  use  can  sometimes  compensate  for
inability to enter into affective dialogue. Yet, there are
some  people who can not effectively use words,   and  are
unable  to enter into  non-verbal affective dialogue which
is open.   Such people are alienated from affective people
and tend to promote such  alienation  by putting people on
the defensive.  They tend to have little respect for other
people's  feelings,  because to them feelings have  little
reality:  feelings can not be communicated so far as  they
are concerned.  Perhaps they feel that feelings should not
be  communicated,  and therefore can not communicate their
feelings.  They are effectively imprisoned.

     When   instructors  can  not  enter  into   affective
dialogue  with  their students the instructors can not  be
effective in educing  their students.   Affective dialogue
is an essential aspect of education.   Instructors who put
their students on the  defensive  block the possibility of
communication   which  is  essential  to  the  educational
process. Education is an affective process.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
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