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%PROPRIETY OF COMMUNICATION 771114
Propriety of communications pertain to how proper
they are. Those communications which are appropriate to
the nature of a relationship between two people are proper
because they are especially suited to that relationship.
Propriety pertains to how fitting a communication is to
the unique relationship.
It is difficult to articulate many helpful rules
regarding propriety, but a few many may be offered:
Communications are improper if they tend to
significantly inhibit desire for or opportunity for future
communication. Blockage of communication is not fitting
to any relationship. Love never calls for the blockage of
communication--because it is the essence of love to
promote open communication. Purposes which call for the
blockage or inhibition of communication are judged
inappropriate by Love.
Communications are improper if they lack mutuality
with respect to both giving and receiving. The extraction
of a communication through coercion is improper. The
introjection through COERCION of an unwelcomed
communication is improper. The violation of mutuality
tends to significantly inhibit desire for future
communications, and so is improper.
Communications are improper if they are techniques to
manipulate others for selfish gain and/or while remaining
personally invulnerable. Such manipulation and
invulnerability violate the mutuality of healthy
relationships, inhibit desire for future communications,
and so are improper.
Communications are improper if they are known
misrepresentations. Misrepresentations when knowingly
offered undermine trust and so inhibit desire for future
communications which are open and honest. For this reason
conventional communications which do not accurately
represent persons within relationships---are inappropriate
communications; conventions can not meaningfully define
propriety for this reason.
Communications are improper if they are misleading;
for the mislead person loses trust in the origin of
misleading communications. Communications can be true in
technical sense and not be known misrepresentations--yet
be very misleading, and so improper. Love, not rules,
defines propriety.
(c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in
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(On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)
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