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%CALLS FOR CONFIRMATION 771105
Within a culture which promotes exclusive acceptance
we often make calls for confirmation. We want others to
confirm us as we are, for our self respect is almost
totally dependent upon other people's respect. If others
do not respect --- us we can not easily respect ourselves.
We can easily not be ourselves unless others tell us via
their confirmations that it is good for us to be
ourselves. We feel we must ask permission to be
ourselves, for we easily may be only that which we have
been given explicit permission to be. To be true to
ourselves is not enough, we feel that we must be true to
what others expect us to be --- even though that is in
conflict with our own natures. The internalization of
that conflict of purposes undermines our integrity and
intensifies our need for a definition of our identity from
others.
Each society has within it people who are ready,
willing, and able to manage other people's lives; whether
invited or not. Such people tend to be assertive in a
large variety of ways; some not as obvious as others. The
dictators are rather obvious. The people who define codes
of proper moral conduct, life style, political views,
religious orientations, sexual behavior, world views, etc.
often do so in such subtle and well intentioned ways ---
that their manipulative efforts are not recognized for
what they are. When their definitions have been
internalized by us we make calls for confirmation of our
acceptability in terms of their definitions; rather than
in terms of how true to our unique nature we are being.
When our self-image is defined externally we are often
manipulated by: ethical systems, moral codes, teachers,
adolescent peers, exclusive specialists, legalists, law
enforcement officers, militarists, political demagogues,
and dictators; as well as by advertisers, merchandisers,
salesmen, and promoters of resource consumptive growth.
Calls for external acceptance jam the communication
channels when there is no real dedication to openness.
Self revelation is not possible when the communication
channels are jammed with calls for
confirmation/acceptance. Many of us need to be set free
to be truly ourselves.
(c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in
www.essayz.com Search for Integrity and Honesty
(On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)
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