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%INTENTIONAL DECEPTIVE INSTINCTIVE RELATIONSHIPS 990614
Human relationships are different than relationships
between electrons and protons and neutrons. The latter
depend only upon the primitive properties of the
individual objects and their positions and orientations
relative to each other. We cannot understand human
relationships in terms of our understandings of the
relationships between electrons and protons and neutrons.
Some human relationships are quite intentional; the
fruits of conscious, intentional, extended human efforts
to build the relationships in specific ways. The
participants are cooperating in the work of building the
relationships --- often articulating and discussing their
various desires, dreams, hopes, aspirations, fears, etc.
Other human relationships are quite accidental; the
fruits of accidental permutations and combinations of
people coming together without conscious thought,
intentions, or extended human efforts to build anything.
The participants may be contentious, refusing to
cooperate, articulate, discuss, or listen to each other.
They may in fact be seeking to avoid each other --- yet
getting thrown together repeatedly by factors beyond their
control. Yet, without intention they find themselves in
constant interactions with each other.
Yet other human relationships seem to be the product
of destiny --- yet without intention, anticipation, or
plan on the part of participants. People may say
that they were "intended" to be brought together ---
even though there was no intention on the part of the
participants. They come together as if by magic, by
forces/factors which are beyond their understanding or
control. In such cases the outcomes may be wonderful ---
or tragic in the long run.
People sometimes seek to control their own or other
people's relationships --- according to some formulas,
systems, commandments, plans, doctrines, etc. The
efforts may be "well intended", "motivated by special
interests", "motivated by greed", etc. The participants
may feel that they are "working to fulfill destiny", or
"working to prevent a catastrophe in the making". Many
such efforts are wearing, contentious, conflicted, etc.
Many human relationships are quite private, unknown
to others than two participants. There may be virtually
no objective evidence that the relationships exist. Even
the participants may be only dimly aware of the
development of their relationships --- yet the
relationships can eventually play major roles in their
lives.
Yet other human relationships can be the focus of
attention of millions of admirers; as when a prince or
princess gets married in a spectacular ceremony which
draws world-wide attention. The outcomes of such
relationships can be wonderful and/or tragic.
The course of events of private relationships can
depend critically upon the communal environment within
which they evolve. Communities which are fearful of
creative and unconventional private relationships are
unlikely to enjoy the fruits of such relationships when
they are at their best. It is exceedingly difficult for
participants in healthy private relationships to maintain
their personal and communal integrities --- while
powerful members of the community around them are
attempting to break into their relationships --- without
invitation.
Participants in relationships may be pretty much in
control of their relationships; guiding them along
intended paths. In other instances participants in
relationships may seem to lack any control over the course
of the development of their relationships; perhaps as
victims or beneficiaries of relationships which seem to
have minds of their own without regard for the
participants.
It is no simple thing to understand, influence, or
exercise control over the course of human relationships.
Many efforts to exercise full control over the course of
even the simplest human relationships have yielded tragic
outcomes. Often in such efforts --- self-
righteousness, arrogance, coercion, violence,
alienation, fear, prejudice, ignorance, and confusion
--- have played central roles in ways which the
participants have not recognized, acknowledged, named,
described or talked about.
If we make little or no effort to deal honestly with
the rich variety of forms and kinds of human
relationships, we are likely to become involved in tragic
forms of human relationships. We need to be intentional
in seeking to deal honestly with the rich variety of forms
and kinds of human relationships; else we will suffer both
personal and communal disintegrations.
(c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in
www.essayz.com Search for Integrity and Honesty
(On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)
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