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  %YEARN SAFE SECURE CONTEXT BEING TRUE SELF OTHERS+980121                
 %MUTUAL GIFT ACCEPT REJECT FREEDOM RISK VULNERABLE 980121         
                                                                                                                               
     Each  of us in our own unique way yearns for gifts of      
secure  contexts within which we can safely be  vulnerable                
in being true to self and others; i.e., gifts of security.                        
                                                                                                                               
     When each of us in our  own unique ways feel insecure      
and  defensive ---  we undermine hints of contexts  within                
which we might be safely  vulnerable in being true to self                        
and others; i.e., hints that we might safely let go of our                                                            
cherished collusive games of mutual self deception.   Such 
possibilities are as likely to terrify us,  as they are to                                                                     
seem appealing to us.                                                                                                          
                                                                                                                               
     Too often we seek to be in control of our contexts to                
make  sure  that  they suit us;  meet our  conditions  and                                                            
needs,  regardless of other people's conditions and needs.                 
We  feel  that  to  be secure and safe we need  to  be  in                 
charge,  invulnerable,  and able to predict/control future                                                           
outcomes.     This   leads  us  to  try  to  control   our                                                           
relationships,  appearances,  and reputations;  i.e.,  how                                               
others  perceive  and respond to us.    Such  efforts  are        
unrealistic  and  lead us into playing collusive games  of  
mutual  self  deception  which  tragically  undermine  all 
possibilities  of having our yearnings for secure  context                
be  fulfilled.   Our yearnings cannot be fulfilled without                                                            
letting go of our collusive games of mutual self deception 
---with all their patterns of  dishonesty,  manipulations,                                                                  
coercion and violence.    Security cannot be achieved  for           
our  selves  in the absence of giving and  accepting  free         
gifts  of the freedom to be safely vulnerable in open  and                                                                     
honest dialogue within unique intimate relationships.                     
                                                                                                                               
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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