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%MAINTAIN PROTECT CONTROL HANDLES BUTTONS SECURITY+970919
%ADDICTIVE CODEPENDENT MANIPULATION PERSONALITY 970919
People with addictive/codependent personalities are
fearful of chaos, disorder, lack of control, lack of
controls --- and so fear the loss of controls, the loss of
manipulative handles on situations, etc. They fear
creativity and growth which calls into question
traditional controls, handles and ways of being in
control. If they themselves cannot be in control, they
desperately want somebody else to be in control. If the
means of control are lost, then nobody can be in control,
and they panic.
True lovers seek to liberate themselves, each other
and others who are inhibited by excessive controls which
undermine their ability to be true to themselves and each
other in growing ways which are truly creative. They seek
to honestly share with each other their experiences ---
to be true to themselves and each other in open and honest
relationships --- where they share and enjoy gifts of the
freedom to be safely vulnerable in intimate ways which are
not defined by any kind of controls.
True lovers threaten people who have addictive and/or
codependent personalities --- for true lovers are prone to
act in ways which remove and/or render useless the handles
by which addicts/codependents seek to control themselves,
each other, and others such as true lovers.
People who have been offered, have accepted, and
enjoy true gifts of the freedom to be safely vulnerable in
open and honest relationships --- are truly secure and so
cannot be made to act defensively by manipulating their
controls and by pushing their "buttons". Addictive
and/or codependent personalities regard such a situation
as intolerable --- one which must be prevented at all
costs. Even the costs of general alienation are not
excessive in their way of thinking; so they are quite
willing to try to be in control in exceedingly alienative
ways. Through the exercise of alienative controls they try
to promote the kinds of "righteousness" which lead them to
enjoy high levels of self-righteousness. They believe
that "righteousness" depends upon proper conformity;
rather than upon right relationships which are open,
honest, loving and intimate. They alienate themselves
from themselves, each other, and from other members of
their "communities."
(c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in
www.essayz.com Search for Integrity and Honesty
(On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)
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