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%CHASTITY FIDELITY MARRIAGE FRIENDSHIP SEXUALITY+970514
%LEGALIST LAW JUDGMENTAL DICHOTOMY SIN DEVIL GOD+970514
%CONTROL GODS LOVE INTIMACY POSSIBILITY ALTERNATIVE+970514
%ETERNAL BOND FIXED LOGICAL SYSTEM MORALITY CODES 970514
People who greatly respect moral codes as proper
means for regulating intimate relationships are often
preoccupied with dichotomies; i.e., are prone to ask
either/or questions and try to answer such questions in
ways which are certain, unambiguous and free of paradoxes.
Consider their dilemma when they are confronted with the
need to define terms like "fidelity", "chastity," and
"faithful" in regards to varied actual intimate
relationships. Such people usually seek to define those
terms in conjunction with the conviction that sexual
intimacy should occur exclusively within one kind of
marriage relationship for every person, regardless of
their differences. One form fits all. Pre-marital
sexuality, extra-marital sexuality, and post-marital
sexuality are not regarded as permitted, respectable, or
motivated by God.
Given the above framework for thinking about human
sexuality, the question may come up: "Where is the sharp
line to be drawn between sexuality which is to be regarded
as permitted, respectable, or motivated by God --- and
other human sexuality which is not." While that question
may arise, usually it is ignored when it does arise --- so
that it does not get discussed in any open and honest
discussion about human sexuality. The tacit question is
tacitly answered in ways which are: unclear, ambiguous,
ambivalent, and so are usually misleading --- making many
opportunities for alienative judgements and condemnations.
At what point in the development of a close
friendship between two people who honestly respect each
other --- should we say that the "boundary" is crossed
between what is permitted, respectable, and motivated by
God ---and what is not. Is it when outside of a life-long
union:
1. A child is born?
2. An abortion occurs?
3. Conception occurs?
4. Mutually encouraged orgasms occur?
5. Mutual physical sexual stimulation occurs?
6. Mutually encouraged sexual pleasure develops?
7. Mutually acknowledged sexual pleasure occurs?
8. Sexual desires are mutually acknowledged?
9. Sexual possibilities are mutually avoided?
10. Sexual possibilities are mutually acknowledged?
11. Sexual possibilities are consciously avoided by self?
12. Sexual desires are acknowledged within self?
13. Sexual possibilities are acknowledged within self?
14. An open and honest intimate friendship develops?
15. An open and honest intimate friendship is desired?
16. An open and honest intimate friendship is possible?
The complexity of the task of drawing clear lines may
be increased if one is willing to consider differences
between participants in regards to:
POWER AGE WEALTH EDUCATION
SEX DESIRES HEALTH ORIENTATION
ANATOMY GENDER ADDRESSES RELIGION
CULTURE RELIGION REPUTATION SELF-ESTEEM
People who greatly respect moral codes as proper
means for regulating intimate relationships --- are people
who are often unwilling to get involved in all the details
of describing openly and honestly what may make an
important difference. Honesty is likely to violate their
taboos.
How are proper lines to be drawn openly and honestly
without violating the tacit rules of one collusion or
another collusion? In the absence of properly drawn
lines, how can improper sexual desires and behaviors to be
controlled?
People who are preoccupied with issues of control are
likely to believe that whatever cannot be controlled is
evil --- and should be fought with all available means
without regard to the cost entailed. They have
difficulty dealing with God's Love and God's gift of
sexuality which they cannot control.
If any sexual pleasure is openly and honestly
acknowledged as good --- because it is a gift from God
who is Love --- then it may become difficult to contain
and control sexual pleasures according to any eternally
fixed logical system which bestows power to control
sexuality upon the keepers of the eternal fixed logical
system to which they are eternally bonded as its servants
in bondage.
(c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in
www.essayz.com Search for Integrity and Honesty
(On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)
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