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  %FINDING COMMON GROUND EXCEL SUCCEED BETTER PRIZE 970422

     When we are in competition with others and seek to be
better  than  others we are likely to have  difficulty  in
finding common grounds for agreements,  understandings and
cooperation.   It is very tempting to look for criteria in
terms  of which we can be sure to be better  than  others;
then  lift  those  criteria  to  some  level  of  ultimate
concern.

     We  and  others are not likely to accept criteria  in
terms  of which others will be better than us---unless  we
by  some sort of reverse and perhaps sick logic  feel  and
believe that we can better  than others by accepting  some
criteria  which make others look better than us.   "Others
are so arrogant,  but I am so humble that I am better than
those others who are so arrogant."

     If  we are preoccupied in any way with issues of  who
is  better than  others---we are likely not to be able  to
find  common  ground  with each other.    We  will  be  so
preoccupied  with the processes of defining and fulfilling
the  terms  of criteria for  superiority  that  we  cannot
perceive  what  is  essential to the  process  of  finding
common ground.

     When  we  have  perceived and  articulated   what  is
essential to the process of finding  common ground, we are
likely to be tempted to feel and think that we are thereby
better than others who have not reached that high point of
superiority.    We  are tempted to identify people who are
standing in the way  of  finding  common ground;  and pass
judgement upon them,  condemn them,   and perhaps  exclude
them from our circles of intimate dialogue.

     There  is no end to the criteria which we can  devise
so that we can make distinctions,   draw  boundaries,  and
achieve some superior kind of exclusivity.   Yet, by  some
miracle we  may be liberated from  the deep feeling and/or
belief that in some sense  we  must  be  superior, better,
more respectable,  or  more  secure than others.  However,
trying to liberate  ourselves  from  such  a  deep feeling
and/or  believe  will  not cure us of  the  disease;   for
success in achieving such liberation can be the ground for
some sense of superiority.

     Upon what kinds of grounds do we and others sometimes
regard  ourselves as "better"  than other people---in some
ultimately important regard?   The following words/phrases
are suggestive of the richness and depravity of the buffet
of grounds:

     Race --- white, black, oriental, indian, etc.
     Sex, sexual orientation and/or sexual behaviors.
     Education --- kind and up to what level.
     Income --- amount and source.
     Housing --- location, style, cost, features.
     Occupation/Vocation
     Achievements --- business, scholarly, artistic, etc.
     Intelligence --- kinds and amount.
     Hereditary traits and abilities.
     Religious affiliation, training and practices.
     Doctrinal beliefs and convictions.
     Obeying rules and regulations.
     Mystic experience, perceptions and insights.
     Traditional conformal practices and disciplines.
     Observance of purity codes and rituals.
     Transcendent understandings and insights.

     The diversity of grounds upon which people depend  to
bolster  their sense of being "better"  than other  people
suggests   that  there  is no ultimately important way  in
which  some people  are really "better"  than others---and
that such efforts to be "ultimately better"  are as futile
as they are pervasive.

     How  are  we to deal with these pervasive and  futile
efforts to be "ultimately better"?   We can seek to openly
and honestly recognize them,  name them, describe them and
seek  to  deal  with the sense of  insecurity  which  they
manifest---by  giving  and  accepting  free gifts of  true
security enjoyed as the freedom to be safely vulnerable in
intimate relationships which are liberating and healthy.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
  www.essayz.com       Search for Integrity and Honesty        
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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