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%BEING SELF OPEN HONEST INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS GIVE+970201
%MEANING SATISFACTION PLEASURE JOY SEXUAL INTEGRITY+970201
%REFLEXIVE REVELATIONS KNOWLEDGE GOOD EVIL WAYS+970201
%DECEPTIVE MISLEADING APPEARANCES RESPECTABLE WORK 970201
Only to the extent that we are free from threats of,
and fears of, coercion and violence --- are we able to
respond reflexively with integrity. Only then can we
engage in open and honest, intimate relationships which
give meaning, satisfaction, pleasure and joy to the lives
of participants.
Threats of, and fears of, coercion and violence lead
us towards being secretive, deceptive and dishonest. In
their presence we do not feel free to be true to ourselves
or each other. We do not feel free to demonstrate our
personal integrity within contexts of communal integrity.
Reflexive responses are revealing of one's self---as
well as reflecting back upon one's self. How we reflect
upon ourselves reveals much about ourselves. To avoid
revealing too much about ourselves, we must try not to let
others know how we reflect back ourselves. The most sure
way not to let others truly know about ourselves --- is
not to reflect upon ourselves; not to engage in reflexive
behaviors. Is that truly possible?
Virtually all behavior is in one sense or another
reflexive; reflecting back upon one's self by showing what
one values, and what one does not value. What we avoid
doing tells others about ourselves---just as what we often
choose to do tells others about ourselves. All of our
choices are revealing of self to others who take notice of
us; our manner of approach to them and to others, and how
we deal with dilemmas and paradoxes. If we hide
ourselves---that is revealing. If we are open, honest and
very responsive---that is revealing. If we avoid eye
contact---that is revealing. If we are always "on guard"
and nervously attentive to what everybody is doing---that
is revealing. It is not possible to avoid engaging in
reflexive behavior.
The only way we can appear not to engage in reflexive
behavior and appear not to reveal ourselves to others---is
to engage in collusive games of mutual self-deception. If
we all agree tacitly and covertly not to notice our own or
each other's reflexive revelations of self through
reflexive behaviors---we can pretend that WE ARE NOT
BEING REFLEXIVE and that we are not revealing ourselves to
each other; and so be ignorant of ourselves and of each
other. Then, we and our communities disintegrate in
tragic ways --- which we cannot see or hear, because of
our self-inflicted blindness and deafness.
(c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in
www.essayz.com Search for Integrity and Honesty
(On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)
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