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%OWN CONTROL PLAN GOAL FORMULA EXPERIENCE SHARE+970118
%FANTASY DREAM HOPE INTENTION EXPECT RELATION EVIL+970118
%SHARE OPEN HONEST DIALOGUE INTIMACY VULNERABLE+970118
%MESSAGES COMMAND PRESCRIPTION PROSCRIPTION LAW SIN 970118
When we seek and try to own, control, plan, formalize
and/or goal-orient our intimate experiences and
relationships---we focus upon coercive "you-messages" and
become alienated, diverted, perverted, perversive,
dysfunctional and so disintegrate ourselves, each other
and our communities.
When we seek, give and accept true security known as
the freedom to be safely vulnerable within intimate
relationships --- wherein we share our dreams, hopes,
desires, visions, fantasies, fears, regrets, pleasures,
pains and being---we become focus upon descriptive "I-
messages" and become whole, united, focused, functional
and integrative selves and communities.
Healthy persons and communities are characterized by
many communal bonds which maintain their integrity; their
wholeness; their unity.
Too often communities and individuals act in ways
which lead to the breaking of communal bonds; fostering
personal and communal disintegration.
In efforts to control non-conformist individuals,
many communities excommunicate non-conformist individuals-
--thereby breaking communal bonds and engendering personal
and communal disintegration; rather than personal and
communal integrity.
In efforts to escape from coercive and violent
communal pressures to "conform," many non-conformist
individuals rebel in ways which lead to the breaking of
communal bonds; without building alternative healthy
communal bonds---thereby engendering personal and communal
disintegration.
Communal bond-building and maintenance are not
coercive, violent or conformal activities. Excommunication
and rebellion do not build communal bonds.
The more intimate our relationships and experiences
are---the more important these considerations are. They
are especially important in regard to sexual experiences
and relationships.
We need to create secure contexts within which we can
give ourselves to sharing ourselves in intimate
experiences which are not dominated by attempts to own,
control, plan, formalize and/or "goal-orient" our intimate
experiences. In the absence of such secure contexts
where we can be safely vulnerable in open and honest
dialogue---we focus upon coercive"you-messages" and become
alienated, diverted, perverted, perversive, dysfunctional
and so disintegrate ourselves, each other and our
communities.
(c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in
www.essayz.com Search for Integrity and Honesty
(On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)
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