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  %DISINTEGRATIVE RELATIONSHIP DEFECT PERSON DETACH 920202

     It   makes   no  sense  to  maintain   disintegrative
relationships;     even   though    many    disintegrative
relationships are persistently maintained through  efforts
to improve  the  participants  in  them.    When prolonged
experience indicates that a relationship is not  promoting
the  personal  integrity  of the participants  within  the
relationship, it then makes sense to seek more integrative
relationships;    letting   go   of   the   disintegrative
relationship so that there is time and energy to devote to
more integrative relationships.

     Too  often  our focus is upon  the  quality,  virtue,
achievements,    character,   respectability,   and  other
attributes of individual persons; too rarely  is our focus
upon our  relationships.  Our persistently  disintegrative
relationships are not worthy of maintenance.   There is no
virtue in trying to maintain a disintegrative relationship
when most of our past efforts have only contributed to the
maintaining    the    disintegrative    aspects   of   our
relationship.    After many honest good faith efforts have
been made  to  develop an integrative  relationship within
one  context  and  they  have failed;  it is then time  to
detach from the relationship which may be doomed by hidden
collusions,   addictions  and codependent aspects  of  the
participants and/or their community.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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