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%EMOTIONAL DISHONESTY DECEPTION MANIPULATION APPEAR 911125

     If  we  are  not  free  to  be  emotionally honest in
intimate  relationships   which entail  vulnerability  and
which   offer  security  at the same time;   then  we  are
prone   to  discover  the    temporary    advantages    of
emotional     dishonesty,   emotional  repression,     and
pretending  to  be  other than  we really and  truly  are.
Those  temporary  advantages lead  us to    consider   and
adopt  dishonesty,    repression   and pretension in other
areas of life.

     Once   dishonesty   has been found to be advantageous
as   a  manipulative  tool in one area of  life,    it  is
natural   to  consider how dishonesty may be found  to  be
advantageous  as  a  manipulative tool in another area  of
life.   It is  thus  dangerous  to  tolerate any situation
within  which  young people  are  likely  to  discover the
temporary  advantages  of dishonesty in any area of  life;
e.g.,  the emotional area of  life.   For these reasons it
is dangerous to  fail  to protect  people's  right   to be
emotionally  honest  with themselves and with each other.

     When   used  as  a  manipulative  tool,    dishonesty
inevitably    leads    to    personal     and     communal
disintegration.     When communications   between   people
cannot   be  relied  upon,  people cannot rely  upon  each
other,   and so become isolated from  each other;   so the
fabric of the  com-unity  breaks down, disintegrates.

     When  a  community  lacks  the  unity  with which  to
provide  healthy   contexts  for   intimate  relationships
and  which entail vulnerability and offer security at  the
same   time;  then  young  people  are prone  to  discover
the    temporary  advantages   of  emotional   dishonesty,
emotional  repression  and  pretending  to be  other  than
they  really are.    Those temporary advantages then  lead
them  to consider and  adopt dishonesty,   repression  and
pretensions  in other areas  of their   life;     and   so
they  and   their   communities disintegrate.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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