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  %ADDICT CODEPEND REUNION INTEGRITY RELAPSE PRISON 911125

     People  who  are  trapped  in  the  prison  of  their
addictive  codependent  relationships need to detach  from
each other,  and to become capable of independently taking
healthy    care   of    themselves.     They   cannot   be
interdependent in  healthy ways  until  they  are  capable
of  independently  taking healthy care of themselves.

     Many people  are  compulsively  dependent  upon  each
other,   and  are  not  free  to honestly  be  themselves.
Because  they cannot be themselves honestly,   they cannot
relate   to   each  other   honestly;    and   cannot   be
interdependent  in  honest ways.     They  live  according
to  dishonest  patterns  of thought,  attitudes and being.
To  regain  honesty,  integrity and health---they need  to
detach.

     Can people who  have regained  health,  integrity and
honesty  through    detachment   from  each   other   then
later    be intimately re-united with each  other  without
falling   back  into  their former confusing  patterns  of
thought, attitudes and being?  The hazards of returning to
those  dysfunctional patterns  and  their  apparent  modes
of   fulfillment   are great.  To be dishonest  about  the
hazards is the first step into  a  pattern of returning to
the old  prison  and  its apparent modes of fulfillment.

     Nostalgia for the  "good  old  times"   is often very
dangerous   to   recovering  addicts   and   codependents.
Nostalgia  needs to be balanced with honesty.  To  pretend
that  the  nostalgia  is not  real  is itself  a  form  of
dishonesty.    To   share   the  nostalgia   can   be   an
invitation  to  return to  the  prison with  its  apparent
modes  of fulfillment.   Honesty  is  not easy  for  us to
achieve  when we are  confronted   with  the realities  of
past  intimate  relationships  which  were  addictive  and
codependent in character.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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