This is http://www.essayz.com/a9103281.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %SEXUAL LOVE COERCE VIOLENCE ADDICT INTEGRITY JUST 910328 People who have always seen sexuality associated with violence, coercion, dominance, control, injustice, confusion, forgetfulness, and dishonesty; are people who cannot with personal or communal integrity respect any affirmations of the goodness of healthy sexuality; because they are not familiar with any healthy sexual behavior. In the absence of examples of sexuality associated intimately with gentleness, tenderness, sensitivity, responsiveness, thoughtfulness, mutuality, balance, spontaneity, generosity, sharing, honesty, openness and respect; it is impossible to respect affirmations of the goodness of healthy sexuality; because in the context of such absences all sexual behavior is unworthy of respect. If the powerful members of a community regard sexuality as providing an appropriate context for their expressions of their frustrating need to be better, perfect, competitive, in charge, in control, in authority, superior and otherwise worthy of respect for such reasons; then members of their community will NOT be able to respect affirmations of the goodness of healthy sexuality. If the powerful members of a community demonstrate the possibility of their entering into intimate relationships with: gentleness, tenderness, sensitivity, responsiveness, thoughtfulness, mutuality, balance, spontaneity, generosity, sharing, honesty, openness and respect; then it IS possible to respect affirmations of the goodness of healthy sexuality. In a community which is dominated by people who cannot respect healthy sexuality, it is difficult for any members of the community to demonstrate healthy sexuality with personal integrity; because such demonstrations will threaten the use of sexuality by the dominant members of the community as a tool of their dominance; and so the dominant members of the community will threaten the personal and communal integrity of those who demonstrate healthy sexuality. In this way unhealthy uses of sexuality generate a feed-back loop which leads to sexual disintegration. In a similar way, wise demonstrations of healthy sexuality can lead to sexual integration, and to the increase of personal and communal integrity; but the demonstrators need to be wiser than serpents, and know themselves and others with serene honesty which is not threatened by dishonest manipulations and attempts by anyone to be in control. Powerful people who respect dominant/submissive sexual relationships within an addictive/codependent social order, are likely to regard demonstrations of healthy sexuality as a threat to their status-quo ordering of relationships to maintain their own advantage; for healthy sexuality exposes pretense, dishonesty, arrogance and dominance as being truly unworthy of respect. It is important to recognize that it is impossible to be i healthy control of human relationships; because human relationships are not objects and are not objective realities. Objects may be controlled; non-objective personal relationships cannot be controlled. Attempts to control non-objective relationships are ultimately dishonest, because they use dishonesty as a tool of personal manipulation and involve dishonesty as an essential ingredient in generating an appearance of success. The appearance of being in control of a personal relationships is that and nothing more, just an appearance. Dominant people seek security through defenses and attempt to be in control. Dominant people are threatened by demonstrations that security can be fully enjoyed only within the context of vulnerability; which is associated with honesty, openness, integrity, uniqueness, trust and risk. Thus, dominant people are threatened by healthy demonstrations of honest sexuality. Healthy people need to keep this in mind to retain their integrity. Dominant people tend to be addictive in their emotional an intellectual life styles; tending towards objectivity, analysis, prediction, control, manipulation, fragmentation and disintegration. They do not seek to be a participating part of the whole. They seek to transcend the whole, and view it from afar from a superior position of dominant understanding and manipulation. Their visions are visions of transcendent understanding and control, not of participatory union in relationships characterized by honesty, trust, vulnerability and balanced personal risk. It is helpful to recognize the roots of the fears of dominant people who are not familiar with honest demonstrations of hugs, affection, and healthy sexuality. Many such people are children of dysfunctional families where they internalized dysfunctional images of human sexuality and dominance. They need help in acquiring more healthy images of secure affection and sexuality. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================