This is http://www.essayz.com/a9010273.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %SECRET PRIVATE HEALTHY INTEGRATE PLEASURE COLLUDE 901027 Basic profound questions need to be asked in communities where pleasures which are basic, healthy and integrative are kept private, secret and are not affirmed within communal contexts. It may be that the community fears any insights into its dishonesty which might be associated with real enjoyment of such basic, healthy and integrative pleasures. If a community is trapped in collusive, addictive and codependent patterns of thought, conviction, feeling and belief; then it cannot maintain those patterns without being dishonest. Pleasures which are basic, healthy and integrative involve honesty in essential ways; so such pleasures are a fundamental threat to all collusions, addictions and patterns of codependence. Such threatening pleasures must be suppressed. Any affirmation of them must be two-edged in character; a public affirmation of the pleasure, but a tainting of the pleasure in ways which indicate that really respectable people will not let themselves really enjoy the pleasure in a way which can be admitted publicly. It is important to be able to distinguish between truly falling in love and letting go of the paradigm of colluders, addicts and their codependent supporters; and in contrast slipping into a dishonest addictive relationship which has only the appearance of true love. Increasing levels of openness, honesty, responsiveness, an responsibility are characteristic of truly falling in love. Decreasing levels of openness, honesty, responsiveness and responsibility are characteristic of slipping into dishonest addictive relationships which have only the appearance of true love. People who are truly falling in love are unwilling to let themselves be used and/or abused. People who are slipping into dishonestly addictive relationships are increasingly willing to let themselves be used and/or abused. People who are truly falling in love are not preoccupied with the issue of who is in control; they do not want to be in control and avoid being controlled. People who are slipping into dishonest addictive relationships are increasingly preoccupied with the issues of control, discipline, regulation, management, conformity, propriety, legality, morality, ethics, etc. People who are truly falling in love enjoy being vulnerable in relationships where security is enjoyed as the freedom to be vulnerable in a meaningful community. People who are slipping into dishonest addictive relationships are increasingly defensive within technical efforts to achieve invulnerability as a means to isolated security. People who are truly falling in love are free to let go of preoccupations with achieving acceptability by being in control. People who are slipping into dishonest addictive relationships are increasingly preoccupied with achieving control as a means to acceptability and self esteem. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================