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  %TRUE LOVERS HONEST KNOWLEDGE IMPRESSION SECURITY 900724

     True  lovers are not preoccupied with impressing each
other or other persons.

     True  lovers are secure persons in their  own  being,
and  are not desperately seeking to find their identity or
security in each other.

     True  lovers know who they are,  and are becoming new
beings  in mysterious paradoxical ways,   are  comfortable
with that knowledge, and are willing to share it with each
other.  They value and respect each other's privacy,   and
are  not  driven  by dishonest secrets which  they  cannot
share and/or cannot extract from each other.

     True   lovers  give  each  other  spaces   in   their
togetherness,   because they know that they need to  spend
time  in private to renew themselves in serene  meditation
and  prayer  through  which they seek  both  personal  and
communal integrity.

     True  lovers  do  not  show  respect  for   dishonest
impressions,   and  are  not  preoccupied  with  dishonest
impressions.

     True  lovers  desire  to  know  each  other  honestly
without  intrusion or coercion;  eliciting revelations  by
meriting trust through giving freely the gift of  security
which is the freedom to be vulnerable. True lovers seek to
free  each  other to reveal personal  thoughts,   desires,
feelings,    fears,    concerns,   frustrations,    hopes,
disappointments,   etc.  They do not accuse each other  of
feared  behavior,  out of fear of the loss of each other's
conditional acceptance.

     True lovers want to know each other as they are,  not
as they might be.  They are most interested in each  other
as  whole  persons,  rather than as individuals  who  have
achieved for themselves  desirable  personal  possessions,
attributes,  reputations, skills, knowledge,  appearances,
etc.

     True  lovers are growing and participate in  changing
relationships.  Their mission in life is not, however,  to
save, rescue, serve, or reform the other.

     True lovers travel the way of love in life  together;
they  do  not believe that to be in love you have to  have
arrived, or that if you are in love you have arrived.

     True  lovers value each other's fellowship,  but  are
not  terrified at the thought of being without each other.
They are comfortable being themselves by themselves  doing
their own things, and come together to be together through
choice;   not through any compulsive desperation,   drive,
fear,  panic, need,  or concern.  If they lost each other,
they  would  honestly  face and grieve  their  loss;   and
continue being themselves with personal integrity.

     True  lovers  are reliable.   Their promises  can  be
trusted  because they honor their promises.  Yet they  are
not  preoccupied  with fulfilling expectations  or  having
their  expectations fulfilled apart from  promises  freely
made and contracts freely agreed to.  Their lives are  not
driven by intuiting, anticipating, analyzing and trying to
communicate  and  fulfill  expectations  which  are   only
implied  in  tacit  ways without mutual  confirmation  and
agreement.   They are not distracted by echoes of unspoken
expectations  ringing  in their subconscious lives.   They
honestly say what they mean,  and mean what they say,  and
do  not  participate  in collusive games  of  mutual  self
deception.

     True lovers are more interested in each other than in
romantic settings and circumstances. They are in-love with
each other;  not with romantic settings,  with the idea of
being  in  a certain kind of relationship,  or with  being
able  to take advantage of what each other has  to  offer.
They  seek  to  be honest with each other,   not  to  make
impressions  on others by their public  associations  with
each other.

     True  lovers do not merely associate with each  other
for  the purpose of maintaining a relationship;  they  are
honestly with each other in true intimacy which is free of
efforts   to  impress  each  other,   or  others.    Their
relationship  is not a technical means for achieving  some
goal  in  a competitive enterprise.  They  are  themselves
openly  and  honestly in their times together,  and  enjoy
being  themselves and growing together in ways which  they
did  not  and  could  not plan  in  advance,   or  control
according to any plan or intention.

     True  lovers do make and carry out plans individually
and  together;  but they are not preoccupied with being in
control of themselves, each other, or their relationships.
They know that their fulfillment does not rest in being in
control,  but in resting secure in the knowledge that true
love  is  a very fundamental reality in the nature of  our
most fundamental relationships, within this universe which
was  created and is coherent and unified through the power
of Love.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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