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 %MASK HEALTHY DESIRE EXPRESS DISHONEST ADDICT NEED 900726

     When  healthy desires are dishonestly masked  due  to
misleading  ideals  and values,  they often end  up  being
dishonestly  acted  out as expressions of  addicts'   felt
needs.

     The  addict's felt needs are really felt to be needs.
The  feelings  are  real and really need  to  be  honestly
expressed  as  they are felt.  What are felt to be  needs,
however, are not really needs, but addictive desires which
are  confused with healthy needs and desires;  because  of
the  dishonest masks put on because of  misleading  ideals
and values.

     When  people believe that it is improper to  honestly
express their actual feelings,  they often put on masks to
hide their actual feelings,  so as to conform to what  are
regarded  as proper expectations.  The belief that  it  is
improper  to  honestly  express your  true  feelings,   is
generated  by disintegrative ideals and values which  lead
victims of that belief to sacrifice personal and  communal
integrity to fulfill conformal expectations.

     When  masks are dishonestly worn to hide real healthy
emotions  and  needs,  the healthy emotions and needs  are
thereby  converted into feelings of addictive needs  which
are acted out as expressions of addicts'  felt needs.  The
addict  finds it impossible to repress the expressions  of
such  felt needs in the same way that it was  possible  to
hide real emotions in efforts to conform to other people's
expectations. The really felt addictive needs are confused
versions of the hidden healthy emotions,  they are  really
felt; but they are not real needs.

     The  problem  when society becomes an addict  is  for
society  to learn how to distinguish between  really  felt
needs  and real healthy needs and emotions.  Addiction  is
the process of confusing these realities and treating them
as  if  they were the same as each other.   Recovery  from
codependence  and addiction is the process of learning  to
distinguish them, and learning to honestly express each in
integrative ways.

     Honestly expressing the feeling of a healthy need  or
desire is not the same thing as acting upon such a feeling
of a healthy need or desire.  Honestly telling someone how
you  feel  and what your desires are,  is not the same  as
acting out our your feelings and desires. Not all forms of
expression  of feelings and desires are equivalent;   some
expressions convey information symbolically without  overt
action, some expressions are symbolic action which conveys
information  through  action,   and some  expressions  are
confused  action which conveys little information  due  to
the    confusions   usually   associated   with   coercive
manipulations   and   violent  behaviors.    Addicts   and
codependents   tend  to  confuse  the  various  forms   of
expression  and  regard them as being equivalent  to  each
other.   The  differences  are important and  need  to  be
honored.

     In the absence of honor being accorded to differences
between  various forms of expression people who are  prone
to addiction do not feel secure enough to honestly express
their felt healthy needs and desires, and are prone to put
on  masks  to  hide  their healthy needs  and  desires  in
efforts to conform to expectations. Thus begins the tragic
vicious  cycle  of  addiction  and  codependence---due  to
misbeliefs  based  upon disintegrative ideals  and  values
which are served sincerely in the beginning.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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