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%ACCEPT DEAL CONFUSE MEMORIES TRAGIC CHILDHOOD FAIL 900606

     We  cannot  deal wisely with the  challenges  of  our
daily  lives so long as we repress and deny the reality of
our confused memories of the tragedies and misfortunes  of
our own childhoods.

     As  children we could not deal wisely with situations
which  we  did not understand and could not control.    We
internalized inappropriate conclusions which cry out to be
examined  and  revised in the light of more knowledge  and
understanding  which  we now have.   If we  repress  those
cries   we   continue  to be haunted  by     inappropriate
conclusions, and are both driven and led by them to repeat
the  tragic mistakes which were made by those close to  us
in our childhood.

     If  we do not consciously examine  the  inappropriate
conclusions  of  our childhood,  we find ways  to  try  to
recreate   the   situations   in  which  we   drew   those
conclusions-in;   unconscious efforts  to  recreate  those
situations  and  fix  those  situations as children  still
struggling  to deal with  them according to our  knowledge
and understanding as children.

     Children  of  emotionally dead  and/or  dysfunctional
parents  marry  each other and recreate  emotionally  dead
and/or    dysfunctional    families   within   which    to
unconsciously try to resolve the unresolved conflicts  and
issues of childhood.   In such unconscious families  there
is  no real understanding of the nature of the  tragedies,
conflicts,    misunderstandings,   addictions,    denials,
repressions, and relationships which characterize them.

     In  such  unconscious families there  are  persistent
efforts   to  be  in  control  of  the  deterioration  and
disintegration;   to  control  others through  threats  of
conditional  love,   acceptance and rejection  which  hurt
others in response to our being hurt by them.  The threats
cause  hurts even if the threats are not fulfilled in  any
intentional way.

     Tragedy   begets  tragedy  in  the  absence  of  true
knowledge,  love and understanding.   We need to resurrect
our  confused memories of our tragic childhoods by  coming
together to understand them in the secure context of  love
which   is  willing  to  take  appropriate  risks  and  to
demonstrate being worthy of true trust in  ways  which are
worthy of respect and emulation.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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