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  %TRUE APPRECIATE LOVE TRUST RISK CONTROL WISH ASK 900605

     We  cannot truly appreciate and love that  person  or
thing which we have manipulated into behaving according to
our  wishes,  desires and expectations.   We cannot  truly
appreciate whatever we control.  To appreciate some person
or thing is to acknowledge that we have not,  do not,  and
cannot control that person or thing.

     Where there is no risk or trust there cannot be  true
appreciation.    We appreciate the fulfillment of a  trust
which we place in another person where there is some  risk
in that trust.    If we have taken steps to eliminate  all
the   risk in  expecting  some particular behavior,   then
there  is no trust and true appreciation of the outcome is
impossible.

     To  the extent that we have eliminated all risk in  a
relationship  between   ourself  and  another,   we   have
eliminated  the  possibility of true appreciation  of  the
other;  and any appreciation we may show is a pretense, is
dishonest,  is  not  true  appreciation.   Such    pseudo-
appreciation is a continuation of the manipulative process
by which we appear to have eliminated all risk.

     We cannot eliminate all risk;  for we cannot be fully
in  control.   We cannot fully control others'   behaviors
because  we  cannot fully make our own behavior  and  life
conform  fully  to  any intended pattern of  behavior  and
consequences by which to fully control others.

     To  fully  control is to know in  advance  a  desired
outcome  and to make sure that the desired outcome is  the
consequence  of our behavior and of the behavior of  those
around us.   Only fools believe that they have achieved or
can achieve full control in real human situations.

     Only   fools  play  foolish  games  of  mutual   self
deception  within which they believe that they have or can
achieve  full  control.    Such  an  achievement  of   the
appearance  of  full control is possible only through  the
denial  of  the truth about ourselves and  others.    Such
denial  involves  the disintegration of the health of  our
mind,  body, spirit, soul, community, and self esteem;  of
all that is essential to our being the best we can be.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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