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 %JACK & JILL TRUE TO SELF AND OTHER WITH INTEGRITY 890728

     Jack and Jill are seeking to be  true  to  themselves
and to each other with integrity. It is not easy!

     If  they seek to be true to themselves and each other
with  integrity  this  involves  either  conventional   or
unconventional  intimacy.   To  be open  and  honest  with
integrity  involves  some  form  of  intimacy.   There  is
conventional   intimacy   and  there   is   unconventional
intimacy;  and there are some forms of intimacy which  are
somewhat different.

     Conventional  intimacy often entails little truth  or
integrity; it is governed by rules and social expectations
which are coercive.  Too often conventional intimacy  does
not  permit  Jack and Jill to be true to themselves or  to
each other.  They must fulfill expectations above all else
when   they   seek  to  fulfill   conventional   intimacy.
Traditional conventions rule.

     Unconventional  intimacy  often entails breaking  the
misleading   rules  of  collusive  games  of  mutual  self
deception  which  are characteristic of  society  and  its
expectations.   Such  honest breaking of  dishonest  rules
embarrasses others and leads them to withhold approval  of
unconventional  intimacy.  It is difficult to be  true  to
self and other within the context of a community dominated
by  addictive/codependent/collusive games of  mutual  self
deception.

     In  between conventional and unconventional  intimacy
there   is  a  narrow  boundary  which  characterizes  the
possibility  of  being  true  to  yourself  and  other  in
intimate  relationships  with integrity.  It is  like  two
people  trying  to  walk  a tight-rope side  by  side  and
keeping  their balance.  Those who succeed in such a  feat
merit great respect.  If they do not receive such respect,
only   the  disintegrative  forms  of  intimacy  will   be
respected.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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