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  %JACK & JILL BECOME ADDICTED TO EACH OTHER'S LOVE 890728

     Jack  and  Jill think that they are falling in  love;
but in reality they are becoming addicted to each other.

     Jack  and  Jill  are  becoming  exclusive  in   their
intimacy  towards  each  other,   regarding  each  as  the
possession  of the other to be controlled and cherished as
a most dear possession.

     Each is encouraged by the possessive attention of the
other,   regarding it as if it were genuine love.  Each is
coming to depend upon the other for their own self esteem.

     Jack  and  Jill seem to be intimate with each  other,
but they are not being true to themselves or to each other
with  anything like personal integrity.  Their intimacy is
not authentic; it is part of an addictive/codependent game
of   mutual  self  deception.   The  intensity  of   their
relationships  is a measure of its compulsive desperation,
not a measure of its real meaning.

     Because they cannot  be true to themselves or to each
other  Jack  and  Jill  are trying  to  be  conventionally
intimate;   trying to fulfill conventional expectations of
such relationships.  They are trying to appear to be truly
intimate    within   conventional   expectations   in    a
addictive/codependent society dominated by collusive games
of mutual self deception.

     The  society  encourages them in  their  increasingly
exclusive dependence upon each other, viewing it as a sign
of their mutual dedication to each other for better or for
worse;   but  in their case it is mostly for  a  worsening
relationship of attempted mutual manipulation and control.

     Jack and Jill are now intimate primarily in coercive,
manipulative  and violent ways.  They bump from crisis  to
crisis;  crises which are managed by them to break through
the  numbness  of  their acquired  insensitivity  to  each
other's   pretensions.    To  live   with   their   mutual
manipulations,   coercions and violence they  have  become
insensitive;   but they can not stand the monotony  of  no
sensations,   and  engineer crises to  break  through  the
monotony.   In their crises they appear to each  other  to
regain  some measure of intimacy,  as they try  to  rescue
themselves  and  their relationship from the crisis  which
they created. Then they need some monotony to recover from
the  crisis,   before  their next engineered  crisis,   to
recover  from  the monotony of recovery.  It is  a  deadly
spiral downward.

     Jack  and  Jill's  intimacy  is  not  really  a  true
relationship  of conventional intimacy;  but neither is it
truly   an   unconventional  relationship   of   authentic
intimacy.  Yet for a long time it will not be apparent  to
Jack or Jill or to others,  that their relationship is one
of addiction to and codependence upon each other. They are
skillful  in misleading each other and others around them.
They  and others are becoming progressively more and  more
confused about what is,  and what is not happening.   They
are  disintegrating  because  they are not being  true  to
themselves or to each other.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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