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    %POWER OF BEING PRESENT WITH PERSONAL INTEGRITY 890508

     The  power of a person being present is the power  of
being  present  with  an integrity which  resides  in  the
unique person. It is not the power to react in a way which
conforms  to  the particular expectations of those  others
who are present as reactors.

     Reactors  who  react  to  each  other  according   to
conformal  patterns of mutual expectations do not have the
power  of persons who are present to each other  as  whole
beings.  Reactors are not unique beings who are present to
each  other  as  persons who are whole.  Reactors  do  not
respond  to each other with integrity;  they react to each
other  in  the manner of objects acting objectively,   and
therefore predictably.

     Reactors cannot relate to each other with the kind of
personal  meaning  which is characteristic of persons  who
are  present to each other in intimately responsive  ways,
with  honesty  and mutual vulnerability made  possible  by
being in secure contexts. Reactors react as they do within
insecure  contexts.   Reactors  do not  feel  free  to  be
honestly  responsive in responsible ways.   Reactors  feel
defensive  in  insecure ways.  Reactors  keep  their  true
feelings  to themselves because they feel too insecure  to
share  their  true feelings with those who expect them  to
conform  to some expected pattern of perceiving,  feeling,
thinking and expecting.

     The  gift of being able to understand,   predict  and
control future events is a double edged sword. People with
the  gift can control their lives to some extent;  and can
also  try  to  control each other as  they  might  control
objects.   When they do not recognize and honor the limits
of their powers to understand, predict and control----they
disintegrate their lives with destructive expectations and
manipulations.   They  become  reactors  to  each  other's
efforts at understanding,  predicting and controlling each
other's  behaviors.   They  come  to  believe  that  their
salvation lies in determining the future according to some
pattern of proper desires and expectations.

     People  who believe that they can control the  course
of future events naturally come to believe that they  have
the  responsibility to properly control the future  course
of other people's behaviors.  Such a belief leads them  to
try  to be in control of more than they can  control.   In
such  efforts  they cease to be present to each  other  as
whole beings.  They become reactors to each other and  are
not  honestly  present  to each other  in  any  personally
meaningful ways.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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