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      %UNDERSTANDING UNCOMFORTABLE SITUATION ADDICT 870623

     To  comfort  someone  who  is  in  an   uncomfortable
situation  entails  accepting  them  as they  are  in  the
uncomfortable situation; i.e., uncomfortable.  A person is
not  comforted by being instructed to pretend  that  their
situation  is  not really what it really is.    Dishonesty
does  not  comfort.    A  person who is the  victim  of  a
misfortune  is  not  comforted  by  being  told  that  the
misfortune is an illusion.

     We  often  feel  the need to  treat  death,   genuine
tragedies,  and the alienative consequences  of taboos and
collusions as illusions.  In such uncomfortable situations
we feel the need to play games of mutual self deception to
comfort  each other with the illusion that the  alienative
realities  are  just illusions;   that  the  uncomfortable
situations are not real.  Such dishonesty does not comfort
and it leaves us  all uncomfortable with our own behavior.
Dishonest  behavior  compounds  discomfort  by  making  us
uncomfortable  with behavior which leads to  our  personal
disintegration, and to the disintegration of the community
to which we would hope to turn when we need comfort.

     When  we have sought comfort in games of mutual  self
deception  and  they make us uncomfortable,   we  find  it
nearly  impossible  to quit playing the games to  honestly
comfort each  other in the face of the tragic consequences
of our dishonest games.   The pseudo comfort of collusions
depend  upon  dishonesty.    Genuine comfort depends  upon
dealing  with  each  other honestly in mutually  accepting
ways within uncomfortable situations.   Collusive games of
mutual  self  deception trap us in prisons which  make  it
impossible for us to comfort and to be comforted.

     When  so  trapped we tend to become  addicted  to  an
endless  variety of means in which we desperately hope  to
find comfort; each focus of addiction ultimately adding to
our   discomfort   and  making  true  comfort   with   its
prerequisites  harder to accept.   Then we play  collusive
games  of mutual self deception with our co-dependents  in
our  addictions  while  our personal  and  communal  lives
further disintegrate.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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