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%LETTING GO INTO RELATIONSHIP 851215
Neither the inside nor the outside of a house is any
more real than the other. So also, neither the inside nor
the outside of a personal relationship is any more real
than the other. To regard one as more real than the other
in any case is to participate in a biased relationship to
the house or personal relationship, to know bias from the
inside of a biased relationship. The exclusion of one
kind of perception out of the conviction that it is
inferior to a completely true contrasting kind of
perception is to participate in a biased relationship from
the inside rather than to view such a biased relationship
from the outside in an objective way which reveals its
bias.
To perceive a house from the inside it is necessary
to go inside the house. No amount of examination of a
house from the outside will give an accurate impression of
what it is like to be inside the house.
To perceive what it is like to be a participant in an
intimate personal relationship it is necessary to let go
and get inside a personal relationship in an intimate way.
No amount of objective study of intimate relationships
from the outside of such relationships will give an
accurate impression of what it is like to be involved in
them. Neither inside nor outside knowledge can substitute
for the other, they are complementary and may compliment
each other.
It is impossible to know what it is like to surrender
control of a relationship and participate intimately in
its creative aspects without surrendering control, without
getting inside. Extensive study from outside the house
will not reveal what it is like to live inside the house;
and what it is like to live inside the house depends on
far more than upon the inside of the house, much less upon
what the outside of the house is.
The nature of personal relationships depends upon the
nature of the participants and upon how they enter into
the relationships. If all participants try to participate
in the relationships from outside the relationships as if
outside of them then the relationships will lack intimacy
and personal meaning, even if all participants fully
understand and can control what is happening and can
accurately predict the future course of the relationship.
(c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in
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(On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)
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