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%SEXUAL HONESTY 851010
Sexual honesty involves being open regarding one's
sexual feelings. It does not entail acting out all of
one's fantasies. To be open about one's emotions does not
entail giving expression in behavior to all possible
expressions of those emotions. Emotions do not determine
behavior any more than do thought, fantasy, politics,
economic, doctrine, etc. Responsible integrative behavior
flow from a coherent consideration of all factors,
including emotions.
A coherent consideration of all factors is impossible
if they are not out in the open. Repressed factors can
not be coherently considered and so can not be integrated
into responsible decision making. Responsible sexuality
is not possible without sexual honesty.
Sexual honesty is not possible without mutuality. IN
instances of an imbalance of power sexual honesty is not
mutually possible and so meaningful sexual relationships
are not possible. The exercise of the power to coerce
does not promote mutuality, openness, honesty or
satisfying meaningful personal relationships.
Where under threat of excommunication people are
required to lead sexually conventional lives, there sexual
honesty is not possible. The requirement of conformity to
sexual conventions under threat of excommunication
undermines the possibility of sexual honesty, mutuality,
responsibility and meaningful relations. Sexual honesty
is possible only where there is security within intimate
relationships which entail great vulnerability. The
threat of excommunication as punishment for non-conformity
makes such security impossible. Such threats thus lead to
sexual disintegration and the probability of violent
expressions of sexual frustration.
Sexual desires should lead to sexual integration in
honest relationships. Sexual coherence and bonding should
be the natural result of being responsive in honest ways
to sexual desires. Such coherence and bonding should not
be occasioned by conventions and duties under threat of
excommunication, and if they are bound to be of doubtful
significance and meaning. God is love rather than law.
(c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in
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(On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)
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