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%JACK'S EXPECTATIONS 801202
Jack expects Jill to behave in certain ways; he
has expectations. Jack regards Jill as having the
responsibility to fulfill his expectations, and he as
having the responsibility/authority to occasion
fulfillment of that responsibility. Sometimes Jack is
disappointed by Jill, because she fails to fulfill his
expectations. Jack resents Jill's failure. Because Jill
accepts Jack's assumptions and perspectives she regrets
having failed to fulfill Jack's expectations, and regards
herself as being responsible for his disappointment and
resentment.
In a sincere effort to prevent Jill from failing in
the future Jack seeks to control Jill by a system of
punishments and rewards. Jack seeks to help Jill to be
successful in fulfilling his expectations. Jill feels
guilty for having failed to satisfy Jack, and accepts
Jack's systematic efforts to control her. Jack and Jill
enter a collusion within which they are virtually
completely alienated from each other.
Jack and Jill may be individual persons, yet often
Jack is not one person: he is an institution, a
corporation, a sub-culture, a tradition. Jill continues
to be an impotent individual who accepts Jack's
assumptions and perspectives, and Jack's violent ways.
Jack and Jill continue to be alienated within their
mutually accepted collusion which promotes the fulfillment
of conventional expectations. Their system is very stable
and deadly, but doesn't have the tendency to decay as do
most dead organisms. The system kills, but does not
itself decay. The effects are much the same whether Jack
is an individual person (male or female), an institution,
a corporation, a sub-culture, or a tradition. Even if
Jack is religious or a religion, the effect is the same.
Humane relationships do not grow in the context of
certain expectations regarding person's desires, feelings,
and behavior. intimacy is inhibited by any system of
rewards and punishments designed to promote success by the
manipulation of regret, shame, guilt, and alienation.
Human relationships which are dominated by concerns about
expectations, disappointments, failures, and success are
not humane relationships.
(c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in
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