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%ESSENCE EXISTENCE EXPECTATION 791217
Personal expectations are rooted in perceptions of
the essence of personal relationships. To some people the
essence of a personal relationship abides in eternity;
i.e., it transcends, and guides the development in time of
the relationship. The essence of the relationship
occasions hope for the fulfillment of the relationship.
The hope nourishes anticipation which may understandably
develop expectations, which if not fulfilled, may occasion
bitter disappointments. Such disappointments may threaten
the integrity of the relationship and call into question
the perceived essence of the relationship.
To some people the essence of a personal relationship
abides in the spontaneous flow of give and take in day to
day transactions. Spontaneity is essential to the life of
the relationship. Routine, planning, habits, traditions,
and expectations threaten the essence of such people's
personal relationships. They do not want to feel boxed
in, and resist patterns and expectations which they feel
tend to box them in.
To Jack the essence of a personal relationship abides
in eternity, transcends, and guides the development in
time of the relationship. To Jill the essence of a
personal relationship abides in the spontaneous flow of
give and take in day to day transactions. Jill is
threatened by the patterns of Jack's life and his coercive
plans and expectations. Jack is disappointed by Jill's
failure to fulfill his expectations, and baffled by her
aversion to plans. Jill withdraws from Jack the more he
wants to include her in the plans of his life. The more
Jack loves Jill the less she can accept his love. The
more Jill leaves Jack free to be spontaneous to be himself
the more Jack feels that Jill is indifferent toward him,
because she shows no interest in including him in the
patterns of her life. Their relationship is full of
misinterpreted signals, intentions, desires, and
disappointments. They do not have a common understanding
of the nature of the essence of a love relationship. Their
best efforts to understand each other are likely to fail
until they enjoy a mutual understanding of what they
consider to be the essence of a love relationship.
(c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in
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