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                   %REALIZING DEPENDENCY PERCEPTION 791009

     Often  perception  realizes that which was  not  real
before the perception.   To perceive a reality may  create
that reality.  A personal relationship which is not really
one  of  dependency may be turned into a  relationship  of
dependency by the act of perceiving it as such.   Jack and
Jill  are intimate friends,  but their relationship is not
dependent  in any unhealthy way.   It is not  possible  to
accurately  describe  their  relationship  without   doing
violence  to  its reality.   If Jack expresses to  Jill  a
concern, it may  realize that which concerned him;  it may
create  the dependent relationship which he feared.    The
indescribable   relationship  may  be  converted  into   a
relationship  which may be accurately described as one  of
dependency.     The  effort  to  accurately  describe  the
relationship  may  create  that which is  described,   and
destroy   the  intimacy  which  could  not  be  accurately
described.
     Jack  may  have  noticed that  his  culture  connects
dependency  with love in the case of women.   To be  in  a
love  relationship  women  must be dependent upon  a  man.
Guilt is the  price  which  women must pay  for  trying to
escape dependency and still be fulfilled in Love according
to God's will.    Most men do not want women to be free in
Love,   and make dependency a condition for  giving  their
love.  Women are required to buy through dependency.  Jack
may  wish  to transcend the absurdities of  such  cultural
requirements.    He may express his concerns to Jill in  a
way  which create the perception of a dependency which did
not   exist  before  he  expressed  his  concerns.     His
expression   of  his  perceptions  may  realize  the  very
dependency which he wishes to escape.

     If Jack's problem is a double blind,  consider Jill's
problem.    Society demands guilt for her if she wishes to
escape  the  cultural requirements that love be bought  by
making dependency payments.  If she expresses a concern to
Jack  about  being dependent in a destructive way she  may
make real that which did not exist until she expressed her
concern  and in so doing offend Jack who sought  to  avoid
making Jill dependent.  To be open about her fear of being
trapped  in a dependency  relationship is to fall into it.
The triple-blind blocks dialogue.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
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