This-essay is a7908211.htm which is available at the web-site www.essayz.com. See more notes at the bottom. Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay By-Months By-Years By-Words Webs of Like-&-Un-Like ESSAYS <==> Like-&-UN-Like This-One ========================================================== %DESIRE TO PLEASE KNOT JACK AFFIRM ASSERT 790821 Jack desires to please Jill---but with a twist. He not only seeks to please Jill, he seeks to control his desires so that Jill will be pleased by which desires he has. Jack's desires are not his own. They are responses to what Jack thinks that Jill wants Jack to desire. Jack may not be well informed about Jill's desires, yet respond to what he thinks Jill wants him to desire. Jack is likely to be perplexed if Jill is not pleased by his desires, or by his desire that his desires please her. Jack's desire to please Jill is so dominant that his own authentic desires die. Jack is not insistent that his own desires be respected by Jill---he does not insist that she be responsive to desires which she did not inspire, elicit, occasion, educe, demand, request, etc. Jack is so non-assertive that he regards his own desires only as responses to Jill. Jill would be pleased to see Jack have some independent desires---that she did not occasion. Jill's desire is that Jack have some desires of his own. This Jack can not comprehend. Jack wants to know which desires Jill wants him to have. Jack wants guidance. Jack is frustrated by Jill's failure to give him adequate guidance as to which desires she wants him to have. Without such guidance Jack does not know how to set himself free of his bondage. Jack does not know of his bondage. They are both frustrated in their Gordian knot. Jack and Jill are not familiar with fulfillment through the union of independent persons. They have not had adequate role models of such fulfillment. They do not have a mutual awareness and mutual understanding of the ways in which people can in union be one, yet at the same time be two independent persons with independent desires. Jack can not conceive of such a possibility. Jill does not know how to help Jack realize such a possibility and so make it possible for them. They need exemplars, role models, who by being demonstrate the possibility; by realizing it, making it real. In a conformal society it is risky for exemplars to demonstrate by their being the non-conformal creative possibilities in human relationships. Such demonstrations may occasion the wrath of emotionally immature conformists. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in www.essayz.com Search for Integrity and Honesty (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================
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