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%SHARE REPORT COMPLAIN PETITION DESCRIBE+790804
%DEMAND ASK HURT PAIN VIOLENCE+790804
%INJUSTICE COLLUSION COMMUNICATE LISTEN 790804
The listener may misunderstand when someone who is
experiencing hurt, pain, violence, injustice, collusions,
etc. seeks to share in a personal way the experience. The
intent may be to report and describe---to facilitate
mutual awareness and mutual understanding between friends,
hopefully to elicit sympathy and support. The listener
may bring expectations, experiences, word meanings, and
contexts which occasion the experience of a complaint,
petition, demand, or threat. Thus an effort to strengthen
the bonds of friendship may be misunderstood and occasion
a wedge which threatens to block communication. The
listener may feel that there is no disavowal of such a
possible interpretation. The listener may be in part
responsible for the hurt, feel guilty for such
responsibility, but be powerless to make things right or
prevent further hurt. The attempted sharing may thus
place the listener in a position where resentment, rather
than sympathy is the natural response.
If the hurt person's effort at sharing is heard as a
demand to take extreme and dangerous measures in a futile
effort to "set things right"---then the listener may feel
profoundly threatened---and be tempted to "run away" from
the situation. Unreasonable complaints and demands do not
strengthen friendships. Thus sharing which is heard as an
unreasonable complaint and/or demand may threaten a
friendship. Friends need to share their hurts, pain, and
experiences of violence, injustices, and collusions---in
ways which do not lend themselves to misunderstanding and
misinterpretation.
Where a friend is at fault, honesty about the
perception of fault is often in order. Where fault is not
perceived and sharing of hurt is in order, it is also in
order to be clear---to the extent possible---where the
fault is perceived to lie, and not lie.
When collusions are the occasion for hurt and the
friends are entangled in the collusions as
victims/participants---efforts to extricate themselves
from collusions may engender complications in efforts to
be open about hurts. Openness may make for vulnerability
to the violations of collusions. Clarity regarding
responsibility for hurt---may not exist. Real love
involves real suffering in such instances.
(c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in
www.essayz.com Search for Integrity and Honesty
(On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)
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