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                   %DIALOGUE LISTENING CONFIRMATION 781025

     Listening and confirmation  are essential  aspects of
dialogue.     Speaking   without  listening   and  without
confirmation  is  not  dialogue.    Without   confirmation
participants  can  not  be  confident  that  speaking  and
listening  has  occasioned  communication---the  offering,
receiving,  acknowledgement, and   confirmation   are  all
essential aspects of communication.  The absence of any of
the   essential   aspects  blocking   the   completion  of
communication.    In  giving  a  gift  there  are  similar
aspects: offering, accepting, indications of appreciation,
and  indications of pleasure in giving.   The offering  of
self in communication  is a gift  which  may be given with
generosity,  constraints,  conditions,  selfishness,  etc.
just as with other gifts.  The acceptance of self given in
communication can in like manner  parallel  the  generally
recognized  aspects  of acceptance  of  other gifts---with
health  or   perversion.     Similarly   the   stages   of
acknowledgement  and conformation may follow.   It is only
when  the   whole   exists   with   integrity---that   the
participants  find   meaning  and fulfillment in the self-
giving communication.

     Communication may  be  blocked by any  factors  which
undermine  the  integrity  of  the  offering,   receiving,
acknowledgement,  or  confirmation;  e.g.,   fear,  doubt,
insecurity,    resentment,    conclusion,   insensitivity,
inhibition,    or   defensiveness.      Facilitation    of
communication  is not primarily  a question of training in
techniques,  but rather a matter of helping  to  eliminate
those factors which  undermine  the integrity of offering,
receiving, acknowledging, and confirming of self and other
in communication.  Communication is blocked by the lack of
affirmations of persons in the process of  communications.
Compulsive   affirmations  of  techniques  can  block  the
affirmation of person,  and so block  communication---even
if the  techniques which are being affirmed are techniques
of   communication.     This  is  why  some   courses   in
communication techniques are counter productive---teachers
affirm  the techniques  to the exclusion of affirming  the
participants   in   communication.    Most  commonly   the
blockages occur  in failures  to listen to and confirm the
persons---perhaps   because  attention  is  focused   upon
demonstrating  and  passing  judgments upon  the  use  of
techniques.    When techniques are the focus of attention,
people are not.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
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