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                     %LOVING COLLUSION PARTICIPANTS 780704

     Loving a participant in a collusion (a game of mutual
self-deception) puts one under tension.  To maintain one's
own  integrity  one must work to avoid entrapment  in  the
collusion.    If  the collusion dominates people  who  are
important  to  you,   it  is not  easy  to  dismiss  their
perceptions---especially  when  they have the strength  of
collective  agreement and socially sanctioned tradition on
their side.  Loving a participant in a collusion makes you
more   vulnerable  to  the  collusion  than  if  you   are
indifferent   to  the  participant.    The   participant's
perceptions  cannot  be a matter of indifference  to  you;
some  choices  must be made.   One may reduce  tension  by
joining  the  collusion,   and  possibly  by   sacrificing
intimacy.  One  may  seek to cope with the reality of  the
collusion without either violence or surrender.  All three
courses of action involve costs and suffering.

     Reducing  tension by joining the collusion is not  an
act  of  genuine  love.   It leaves  people  enslaved  and
fearful of the consequences of transcending the collusion.
Love sets people free and casts out fear.

     Heightening   the  tension  by  direct  attack   will
encourage the  hardening of the collusion, and will  block
the possibility of developing mutual understanding.   Love
does not motivate people to block dialogue.   Participants
in collusions are most likely to be motivated to transcend
the  collusion  by  intimate awareness  of  dialogue  with
people  outside   the collusion.    Violent  attacks  upon
participants in the collusion will tend to block  interest
in intimacy with the attackers.

     Coping  with  the  reality  of a  collusion  involves
affirming  the participants as people,  without  affirming
the collusions which dominate their self-conceptions.  The
participants need to become aware of how their  collusions
block  dialogue  between  them  and  those  who  are   not
participants---and   learn   to  ultimately   value   such
dialogue.   If participants in collusions ultimately value
mutual  awareness and mutual understanding with all  kinds
of  different  people,  then there is a way out  of  their
collusions.    They may discover that their collusions are
standing  in  the  way of dialogue which  they  ultimately
value---and  with  that recognition may come the power  to
compare  the  value of the collusions with  the  value  of
varied dialogue.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
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