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%INVISIBLE OPTIONS 780522
Often when we are involved in making decisions we do
not perceive the same set of options. Jack may perceive
only option "A" and affirm it without choice, while Jill
perceives options "B" and "C" in addition to option "A".
Options "B" and "C" may be blocked form Jack's perception
by collusions, repression, language barriers, etc.---but
Jill may not be aware that Jack is unaware of options "B"
and "C". To Jill, option "B" and "C" may be so obvious as
not to merit discussion or inquiry; and so invisible to
Jack as to be beyond inquiry. Jack's consequent
affirmation of option "A" will appear to Jill as a
conscious choice of "A" as better than "B" or "C". That
"choice" may be very significant to Jill---with great
positive or negative overtones.
Jill's response to the apparent significance of
Jack's choice may not be evident to Jack as being
occasioned by any choice, because he did not choose
between any options. Jill may perceive her response to
the choice as so appropriate as not to merit explanation.
In such a situation there may be perplexing joy, anger,
frustration, expectations, anticipation, and many other
responses occasioned---without mutual awareness, much less
mutual understanding, of what is taking place. The tragic
lack of mutuality may persist for some time without either
Jack or Jill being aware of the final consequences or its
origins.
When the tragic misunderstandings occasion eventual
tragic difficulties it may be impossible to trace the
difficulties back to Jack's "choice" and what it meant to
Jill. Both Jack and Jill may be baffled and unable to
figure out what is taking place. The invisible options
may undermine their relationship without either being
aware of what happened.
Our invisible options may be invisible because of:
taboos, previous experiences, role models, fears, desires,
collusions, and perceptual frameworks which are not held
in common. What is obvious to Jill may be unthinkable to
Jack. It is thus important for us to articulate the
obvious to make it mutually evident, in contrast to it
being blocked as unthinkable. Jill may need to become
aware of just what is so obvious as to be beyond question,
while Jack may need to become free to consider options
which have been blocked from perception. Otherwise, what
is invisible to jack as unthinkable, may be invisible to
Jill be being too obvious to merit mention.
(c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in
www.essayz.com Search for Integrity and Honesty
(On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)
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