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%STABLE INTERMEDIATE INTIMACY 780518
Often a move towards greater intimacy is perceived by
a person as the threat of slipping catastrophically into
inappropriate and feared levels of intimacy, and may be
perceived as the face of a cliff. If such is the case, it
will be virtually impossible to have a vision of stable
intermediate intimacy. A person's perception may make it
seem absurd to believe that stability is consistent with
intermediate levels of intimacy. If so, then the
perception of deep intimacy as being equivalent to
"excessive" intimacy will imply the necessity to avoid
even intermediate levels of intimacy. Persons with such a
combination of perceptions are thus trapped on a plateau
next to a cliff of intimacy which they dare not descend.
To go over the edge of the cliff would be catastrophic.
If differences in elevation associated with the cliff
of intimacy are now associated with different levels of
intimacy, we may now ask how people may find what
corresponds geographically to the gentle slopes which
usually connect a plateau to the valley floor at the
bottom of a cliff. The gentle slopes involve a greater
distance than a catastrophic drop to the floor below---but
they also involve less risk in transit. To find such
gentle slopes usually involves moving away from the face
of the cliff, and seeking the floor below by an indirect
route. Of course some people may not desire to get to
deeper levels of intimacy, and so are not motivated to
seek alternative routes.
It is not appropriate for all personal relationships
to go to the deepest levels of intimacy. Thus it is
helpful to have role models of intermediate levels of
intimacy which are stable and accepted in their own right.
Such role models are not viable if observers are
threatened by the specter of people participating in what
may seem like cliff-hanging. People who have not known
stable intermediate intimacy need to recognize that what
they perceive as cliff-hanging intimacy may in reality be
a stable relationship on a more gentle slope between
personal indifference and completely uninhibited intimacy.
(c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in
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