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                           %PRESUMPTION OF LIKENESS 780518

     We  are  often trapped by our assumption  that  other
people are very much like us, if not just like us.  Such a
presupposition  flies in the face of the great  individual
differences which exist between people.  Great differences
exist between us as regards:   previous experiences,   our
responses to previous experiences, languages which we have
learned---both  verbal and non-verbal,  meanings which  we
associate  with  communication symbols---both  verbal  and
non-verbal,  what we value,  what we look-down upon,   our
desires,  our needs,  our motivations, etc.   If we assume
that  another  person  is  like we are  in  one  of  these
respects, we are likely to get into trouble.  It is better
to  take steps to test our assumption in a way  that  does
not   involve  great  risk---before  we  act  in  a  risky
situation upon an unverified assumption.

     It is not easy to avoid the presumption of  likeness.
Even  to  say "hello"  upon meeting involves  making  some
presumption of likeness.   Different people say "hello" in
different  ways.   What is expected in one culture may  be
offensive in another culture, and vice versa.   To fail to
fulfill  expectations with regard to initial greetings  in
one culture may cause consternation---yet to fulfill  such
a ritual in another culture may cause consternation.  Thus
even  at  the level of initial meeting there is risk as to
what presumptions of likeness are made.

     The  risk  of presumption of likeness continues as  a
relationship deepens.  At each level of the development of
an intimate relationship, the participants inevitably make
presumptions of likeness---and need to take care not to be
trapped in risky situations with false assumptions.  There
is  a need to anticipate and respect diversity in  people.
It  can  be a rewarding experience to look for  and  enjoy
relating  to people who are essentially different than  we
are.    It  is  a meaningful challenge  to  transcend  the
barriers  to  communication which  individual  differences
between   people   pose.    It  is  a  great   source   of
misunderstanding, frustration,  and alienation to approach
different   people   with  thoughtless   presumptions   of
likeness---perhaps even demanding that they be like us  as
if they had a responsibility to conform to our definitions
of propriety.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
  www.essayz.com       Search for Integrity and Honesty        
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