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%MUTUALITY IN DECISIONS 780518
There are times when intimate friends must make
difficult decisions which neither one likes. There is the
risk in such a situation that one will take the initiative
toward the necessary decision and assume a
disproportionate share of the responsibility, blame,
guilt, regret, pain, etc. associated with the decision;
with the other person trapped in a related perverse role.
Because of this risk there is a correlated risk of neither
person taking the necessary initiatives to move the union
towards the wisest decision---letting procrastination and
indirect behavior ultimately make the decision. Because
of this latter risk there is the further risk that the
friends will not be patient enough to permit the situation
to mature well enough for them to gain adequate visions of
their alternative options. With inadequate visions
friends may not recognize which visions are viable enough
to be realized, and which visions would demand more for
realization than they have to give. These considerations
make it difficult for intimate friends to approach
difficult decisions wisely.
In such difficult situations friends may hope that
upon maturation of the situation they might
jointly/simultaneously realize the wisest decisions---
experience it as being an appropriate gift offered to both
and accepted by both in a way which leaves both equally
responsible for the decision which was accepted. Such a
resolution of the need for a decision nurtures the
continuity of mutuality in the friendship---even if the
decision involves a regrettable separation.
Even after mutually accepting such a decisive gift,
friends may be tempted to return to their former
situation---and individually reconsider the mutually
accepted gift decision. The more difficult and
regrettable the decision, the greater will be the
temptation to reconsider it and seek an easier course of
action. For this reason casual reconsiderations need to
be avoided. At the same time, care needs to be taken to
avoid taking too seriously (and as if ultimate) decisions
which were accepted while trapped in a collusion, while
the victims of false-presumptions-of-likeness, or while
otherwise the victims of perceptions which clouded the
visions of possible options. Mutual thoughtful
reconsideration should be possible.
(c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in
www.essayz.com Search for Integrity and Honesty
(On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)
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