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                                %TALKING ABOUT LOVE 771119

     People  who are exclusively verbally oriented tend to
try  to  control  affective  communications  motivated  by
love---but  they fail.   By limiting them-selves to verbal
communications   they   make   it   impossible   to   deal
meaningfully   with  the  essence  of  love's   non-verbal
communications.    They  are  about  as  successful  as  a
musician   who   tries  to  teach  mathematics   via   the
performance of musical compositions.  Verbal languages can
not  adequately  communicate  the  essential  aspects   of
affective communications  with  their  varying  colors  of
sexual   meaning.    Thus,   talking  about  love   rarely
successfully communicates what  is  important  about  love
relationships because the  communications  about love  are
not  in  the  language of love.   In such instance talking
about  love may be violent,  in the sense that  such  talk
violates   the  love  relationship.    Such  violence   is
relatively evident in the case of  malicious  gossip,  and
even  in  the  case  of "innocent" gossip.  The reality of
such verbal violence is not  so  evident  in intellectual,
rational,  logical, analytic,   scientific  discussions of
love and its expressions.

     Objective  analyses  of  love  tend to  violate  love
relationships  because  the  objective  technologies   and
languages   are  inappropriate  tools  for  developing  an
understanding  of  the  meaning  of  love.     Objectively
requires a separation between the knower and the object of
knowledge.    Love requires a union between THE knower and
the  subject  of  knowledge.   It is  a  contradiction  of
methodology to try to objectively know the nature of love,
or  to  talk objectively about the nature of love and  its
expressions.    That contradiction is not removed  by  the
development of  sophisticated  jargon,  models, languages,
analytic tools, and professional institutions.

     The knowledge of love comes through participation  in
non-objective ventures which involve risk,  vulnerability,
balance,  trust, ambiguity, uncertainty,  loss of control,
and  other considerations  which  are very threatening  to
exclusively  objectively  and  verbally  oriented  people.
Talking does not transmit such knowledge.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
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