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%FAMILIES 771016
Families are commonly judged in terms of how well
they fulfill traditional expectations regarding (1) the
nature of personal relationships between members of the
families, and (2) the nature of relationships between
members of the families and those people outside their
families. Traditions set the standards. Judgment is not
attentive to the quality of time/kairos or to the personal
growth/fulfillment of unique individuals---as much as it
is attentive to objective measurements of time spent
together, reciprocal commitments, mutual control, and
exclusivity. Conformity rather than creativity, is
regarded as proper. Traditions and behavior patterns which
are tuned to of the least-common-denominator---become the
criteria for evaluation of family life when judgment is
based upon any kind of conformity---no matter how
benevolent the standards of conformity may be.
Personal growth and the laying of foundations for
meaningful lives of affective intimate relationships occur
within families motivated by love. Love is the power which
facilitates openness, communication, authenticity, and
security within vulnerability. Expectations of conformity
of any kind occasion the use of objective and subjective
technologies to promote conformity. Leaders who expect
families to perform useful social functions see families
as means to ends, and attempt to manipulate and control
families to insure that the objectively defined ends are
accomplished. Manipulative techniques undermine love and
are impotent to substitute for love's guidance and
motivation. When families are viewed as factories to turn
out responsible well adjusted citizens---the stage is set
for many tragedies in the classic Greek sense. When
families are regarded as tools of the state, church, or
any other authority; subjective technologies pervert human
relationships in tragic ways.
Families are most meaningful when within them the
power of love facilitates the just fulfillment of all
members' potentialities for physical, emotional,
spiritual, and intellectual growth; and such other
potentialities for humane fulfillment as they as unique
individuals may embody.
(c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in
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(On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)
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