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%SIGNS OF LOVE 771007
Lovers give each other signs of love. Through their
decisions and actions they signify their union in a
dedication to openness to each other with respect for each
other's unique integrity. Lovers are not calculative,
manipulative, analytic, or programmatic in their mutual
relationships.
Technocrats seek to understand lovers in
analytic/objective terms. They seek to identify
objectively the signs of love which are used by lovers,
and so construct a dictionary of the language of love.
Technocrats also seek to formulate rules which describe
the structure of the language of love. In these ways they
attempt to formulate an authoritative exposition of the
language of love, a definitive articulation of how lovers
should communicate. The next logical step is to require
people to communicate according to the formulated
conception of the language of love. The signs of love are
defined, and contexts in which they shall be used, or not
used, are defined. The structure within which the signs of
love are to be used are indicated. People who do not
conform to the authoritative indications regarding the
language of love, are then excommunicated as punishment
for their nonconformity. Such excommunication is justified
on the grounds that it promotes the proper use of the
language of love. The excommunicators do not perceive the
irony in the situation, its futility, or how they
themselves are victims of their excommunications.
The signs of love are spontaneous, when they are
meaningful. The dilemma is to become and be free to freely
use the signs of love which occur to us spontaneously.
The problem is how to become free of the prescriptions
regarding proper communication. Such freedom is often
unknown because of the fear of sex and all intimate
relations. Such fear inhibits the free use of the signs of
love, for fear that their use will make oneself vulnerable
to the dangers of sexual relationships. The signs of love
thus become unused and forgotten. The language which is
not used becomes unusable. Our dilemma is how to help each
other be free to communicate, to love. This freedom is not
achieved through the use of prescriptions regarding proper
behavior and proper communication. To be meaningful,
communication must be authentic and spontaneous, rather
than conformal.
(c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in
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