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%SEXUAL CONFIDENCE 770924
Sexual confidence and sexual fulfillment mirror each
other, each occasioning and/or inhibiting the other in
positive and/or negative manners. When we are confident
of our sexuality and desires---we relate to each other in
sexually fulfilling ways which enhance our confidence.
When we are uncertain of our sexuality and desires---we
dis-associate with each other in sexually frustrating ways
which cast our sexuality and desires into further doubt.
Our confidence and uncertainty are occasioned by
affirmations and questioning of our sexuality and desires.
The foundations for our sexual lives are given to us
by our parents as role models---who either affirm or deny
our sexuality and sexual desires, by how they relate
sexually to each other and to us. Messages given to us by
our parents in our childhood are nearly permanent and only
weakly subject to reconsideration and reinterpretation in
ways which are contrary to how we internalized them as
children.
The framework for our sexual lives is built in
adolescence as we experiment to discover for ourselves the
nature of sexual relationships for ourselves as unique
persons. Our teachers, professors, associates,
subculture, friends, and lovers in numerous ways affirm--
accept and/or deny--reject our sexuality and desires by
the kinds of relationships which are encouraged and/or
discouraged. The messages we receive may be clear
affirmations--acceptances, clear denials--rejections,
ambiguous (affirmations--acceptances)/(denials--
rejections), or contradictory in nature. Our sexual
possibilities are thereby framed for us.
Our sexual lives put flesh upon the framework built
upon the foundation laid in our childhood. The sexual
fulfillment we realize depends upon the integrity of our
personal relationships and our being. We cease to live
sexually if we can not be honest: intellectually,
rationally, affectionally, emotionally, erotically,
politically, religiously, and spiritually. Dishonesty of
any kind undermines integrity and so healthy sexuality.
Legalistic prescriptions which require/forbid specific
kinds of mutual sexual relationships---promote dishonesty
within and between us, undermines integrity; generates
fragmentation, frustration, anger, and violence. Such
behavior undermines our confidence in the God-given
goodness of sexuality---and the vicious cycles are thereby
augmented.
(c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in
www.essayz.com Search for Integrity and Honesty
(On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)
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