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%CONSIDERATION 770511
Consideration without dialogue is likely to be
destructive. It is not enough to do onto others as you
would have them do onto do; for others may be offended
and/or hurt by being treated as you would like to be
treated. It is not enough to do onto others as you think
is going to be good for them; for you understanding of
their situation, needs, and desires may be uninformed,
biased by your prejudices and needs, or confused. It is
not enough to do onto others as you think they want you to
do onto them; for you impression of what they want may be
inaccurate. It is not love to enslave yourself to doing
only what others want/expect of you. For these reasons
consideration without dialogue is likely to be
destructive. Personal relationships which persist without
dialogue are thus likely to be destructive, no matter how
considerate participants try to be. Thus, anything which
blocks personal dialogue promotes destructive behavior.
To be truly considerate of another person one must
maintain one's own selfhood, while at the same time
seeking to be in dialogue with consideration of other's
situation, needs, desires, abilities, weaknesses, hopes,
aspirations, failures, etc. To repress or be dishonest
about self's own situation, needs, desires, abilities,
weaknesses, hopes, aspirations, failures, etc.---will be
destructive in the long run---even though the motivation
for that repression or dishonesty is attempting to be
considerate of others. Repression and dishonesty violate
one's own integrity and undermine the possibility of
genuine dialogue---thus violating the significance and
meaning of the attempted consideration.
These considerations can become especially perplexing
and confounding when it appears that expressing one's own
desires will unfairly constrain other's freedom. Then it
is tempting to try to express love by repressing one's own
desires, lest one imprison other persons through their
felt desire/duty to respond affirmatively to one's own
desires for others. Thus my expression desire to be
united with another person may occasion that person's
failure to affirm their own individuality---especially if
society has assigned to that person roles of dependency,
submissiveness, and conformity to normative behavior.
Nevertheless, paternalistic repression of one's own
desires will deny the loved one the freedom to accept or
reject the opportunities occasioned by those desires---a
freedom more to be valued than the freedom from the
demands of love.
(c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in
www.essayz.com Search for Integrity and Honesty
(On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)
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