This-essay is a7703011.htm which is available at the web-site www.essayz.com. See more notes at the bottom. Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay By-Months By-Years By-Words Webs of Like-&-Un-Like ESSAYS <==> Like-&-UN-Like This-One ========================================================== %VIRGINITY-II 770301 The person who feels no compulsive demand to remain a virgin until consummation of marriage, is blessed with a freedom that many do not enjoy. Given that freedom, such a person is able to wisely choose whether or not to remain a virgin until consummation of marriage. This freedom of choice is not available to those who ultimately value virginity, or to those who in rebellion against the presumed ultimate value of virginity compulsively initiate premarital sexual interc ourse. Those who treat virginity as of ultimate concern are not free to save themselves lovingly for an intended marriage partner, or to give themselves in true love before marriage. Those who are enslaved to an ultimate concern about their virginity and that of others --- have not had their fear cast out by love, and out of fear may never come to know love. They value technical considerations more than human relations. The person who is free of compulsive demands regarding virginity is free to affirm virginity with personal integrity in order to share self in a special way with a chosen partner; and also free to chose a style of life in which no chosen partner has an exclusive claim upon sexual relationships. In either case the choice is meaningful because it is made by self --- rather than as a compulsive reaction to external forces which are indifferent to self's will. The meaning originates in the free choice --- not in legalism or rebellion against legalism. The difference between freely choosing to affirm virginity and compulsively avoiding sexual temptation --- is often a subtle difference which is not evident to the person seeking to be free. The affirmation may in subtle ways become the basis for avoiding intimacies which themselves might lead to the mutual awareness and mutual understanding that form the foundations for a wise decision to marry. Should this happen the affirmation mocks itself --- usually out of fear that creeps in because of doubts about the ultimate importance of virginity. Thus it is dangerous to affirm the value of virginity in an abstract way --- for such an affirmation may easily turn into a legalistic one on the basis of which the pre-marital loss of virginity is a legitimate ground for rejection and alienation which promote sin. This creates the trap of seeking to remain a virgin for someone who would reject you if you are not a virgin. Love frees from that trap those who give themselves freely in love. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in www.essayz.com Search for Integrity and Honesty (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================
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