This-essay is a7610301.htm which is available at the web-site www.essayz.com. See more notes at the bottom. Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay By-Months By-Years By-Words Webs of Like-&-Un-Like ESSAYS <==> Like-&-UN-Like This-One ========================================================== %DEEP ADULT FRIENDSHIPS 761030 Deep adult friendships are facilitated by open marriages. When people are trapped, in closed marriages, they cannot come to know others as whole persons in really deep ways. Closed marriages inhibit intimacy with others, and by reflection inhibit intimacy with the spouse. Deep adult friendships involve a degree of intimacy which which is very threatening to those who have sought security within a closed marriage. Intimacy of all forms is inhibited, for whole people cannot be intimate and fulfilled thereby without the freedoms granted by open marriages. When the freedoms are genuine, there is no compulsion to exercise them. When freedoms are not genuine, there tends to be a compulsive need to exercise them---to test if they are genuine. Deep adult friendships are undermined by any need to test to see if freedoms are genuine. A program of testing is not the basis for real friendship. Deep adult friendships threaten the collusions of a society. Within friendships participants find the real security which enables love to overcome the fear of freedom. When fear is overcome, then new visions become possible and collusions may be broken with personal integrity sustained by the deep adult friendship. For this reason, the participants must claim privacy. Their relationship may be perceived as a threat to the stability of the society, and attempts be made to destroy the friendship in order to promote the stability of the society. The stability thus maintained is of course a technocratic stability, rather than a humane stability based upon dynamic love. The technocratic stability is a pseudo-stability, because technocrats' values promote an accelerating technocratic revolution, which undermines stable human relationships and so promotes violence. The way to transcend such a threat to humanity is through deep adult friendships. It is not a technical way, not systematic. The way is found through loving friendship, not through logical analysis. It involves the risk of that which cannot be anticipated, that which may give new meanings to life and thereby transform it totally---calling into question all traditional values. Those who have taken the risk can witness to the new life found in that way. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in www.essayz.com Search for Integrity and Honesty (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================
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