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                          %CHANGING RELATIONSHIPS-1 760526

     Truly living people participate in  changing personal
relationships.    Through such  participation  they  live.
Absent  such  participation, people cease to  live.   Real
relationships evolve slowly with mutual understanding  and
consent.  Very rarely do they change catastrophically in a
creative way which fulfills the participants. An effort by
one participant to  unilaterally and  dramatically  change
the nature of a relationship is  likely to be destructive.
Invitations may be offered to move the relationship in one
way or another, with evolution following the acceptance of
the invitation.    The  changing  relationship  may  in  a
mysterious way change the participants and itself, without
the fore-knowledge  of  the  participants.   To attempt to
control such changes,   or to attempt to prevent them,  is
likely  to  damage  the  more  delicate  aspects  of   the
relationship---its   growing  tips.     To  be  open   and
accepting  of change is to promote the further  growth  of
those   tips,    and  so  the  blossoming  of  the   whole
relationship;    it is this which is the essence  of  true
fidelity.   Thus,  infidelity is the failure to be open to
change,    the  desire  to  control all  change,    and/or
indifference  towards growth.   Really deep  relationships
are  not exclusive;   and  so fidelity is  not  exclusive.
Often infidelity is exclusive,   rejecting the possibility
of change and growth.

     Real  persons are what they are because  of  changing
relationships.   They  are  not  created  by  conventional
expectations on anybody's part.  No system of rules, laws,
ethics,  morality,  or propriety can cause young people to
become real persons.  On the contrary,  such systems cause
young  people  to  cease to live  by  causing  infidelity.
Fidelity may get replaced by a static program for behavior
within  relationships  which are static.   Such  a  system
leads to predictable behavior---and the notion that people
may best be understood as complex systems  of  interacting
elements,  electrons,  protons, neutrons,  nuclei,  atoms,
molecules, chromosomes, cells, tissues and organs.  Such a
objective perception can  never be the basis for fidelity.
Fidelity  must  be  chosen,    not logically designed  and
caused.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
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